Linkguistics
by Don'ttellmybrotherIwrotethis
Summary: Language changes over time. If Breath of the Wild had the Link of 10,000 years ago instead of the 100 year old one, things would be much more confusing. Forget the Master Sword; Link needs a language expert. This is a story where trusting a suspicious Link would have been a good thing. (Cover by CascadeFreeWill.)
1. The Sword and the Stone

The young man regarded the old man in front of him and formulated a question. Mothlike, the pale young man was drawn to the campfire with the baking apples. At least one person looked younger and one looked older in this scene.

The old man spoke before the young man decided where to start. "Well we meet, stranger!"

The young man wondered if he heard that right, or is merely discombobulated. He's got amnesia so it would be logical to expect brain damage. This is a worrying thought so he tried hard to listen to the old man.

The mysterious old man seemed to be stumbling over the words even as they came from his mouth. It was like the thought behind the sentences kept getting lost on their way through the Forest Temple and ending up on the wall above the treasure chest by the time they became words. The end result of the effect was almost understandable. "It rather undefined to look another mind on these parts."

The young man, Link, stared and thought maybe he got a bit of what the guy meant. Sort of. The young man tried not to stare. He thought._ Okay, now to proceed with the second step of small talk. Maybe the weather? Nah, I'm hungry._ Talking about the weather was something he'd resort to later if he needed to change subject in a hurry.

Link said, "Who are you?" That seemed sufficient to begin with and was probably polite. He may not remember his name right now but he was going to be civilized even if he had to stick with simple phrases until he figured out the concussion stuff. He needed to do introductions before he got to the apples. Those apples called to Link and if he weren't so thirsty, he'd be drooling.

"My? Spare I alive story. I'm only an old fool that person is live this place, alone, of quite a several anytime currently. Sorry myself'm don't well taking yours language." The old man said. The last part, when Link understood it, was a massive relief.

"Oh thank the Goddesses! It's a language barrier." So amnesia is the only brain damage he had to worry about for now, as far as Link knew. He tried to speak more slowly and clearly without being condescending. "It is okay sir. Language is hard and I'm just happy to find people. Where are we?"

"Wh ydoe slan gu ageh avet obeso diffi cult?," the old man muttered to himself. "To myself cannot imagined meeting be that plain coincidence. Myself shall talk you. This Great Plateau. This temple there... Long ago were house for sacred events. Ever the since fall for kingdom 100 years ago, sit abandoned, on that state for decay. Yet another forget thing. That ghost for its former selfs. Myself shall be this place of a several anytime. Pleasure let my understand conditionally to myself may be for service"

"...Say that again?" The old man complied with the request once more with the young man repeating back things to him in what he thinks the old man meant to say. The sentences were untangled with no small amount of cooperative effort.

After they finished, Link said, "Thank you!" It felt good to have another person around to speak to here and the old man even offered to guide him. Link thought, _Maybe we can give each other language lessons?_

* * *

Link was starting to feel like he was getting the hang of walking around without causing chaos every hour on the dot. It was refreshing. He looked down at the map again, then up at the decayed Guardian which was lighting up. Link listened to the beep error codes and thought, _Hmmm that sounds dangerous. Maybe I should watch for falling rocks. _Link ducked behind the most solid looking stone wall and sat for a moment to think while munching on an apple. The Old Man seemed to be very emphatic on taking a moment to consider alternate courses of action with potentially dangerous situations. He peeked back around the corner and a thought came to his mind as he studied the damaged Guardian.

He was going to dismantle that thing. It looked dismantle-able.

One harrowing hour later, Link had pried the lid off and looked at the goop inside. It was gross. It was disgusting. Link had no idea why, but the first thing he thought when he saw it was,_ That JERK. _Link had no remembrance of this thing, but knew it was a jerk even though it was the weirdest looking engine grease he had never seen.

He felt a little more justified in his weird thought process when a large orange eye opened up and glared at him. On pure instinct, Link calmly stuck his tongue out at the thing and blew a raspberry. Link then stabbed the goop in the eye and was rewarded by an explosion which took Link down two hearts and left him on his back screaming curse words in a long forgotten language.

* * *

The weeks following the shrine's opening were interesting for the former King of Hyrule. King Rhoam Bosphoramus Hyrule knew Link would be somewhat confused but was not expecting this level of work. Rhoam was, after only a single day, convinced Link was an instrument of divine punishment for not being patient with Zelda in life. All that patience he had not had before was required all at once. The way Link adopted a gleam in his eye after picking up the torch caused the old king to keep a really close eye on things. This proved to be necessary.

Rhoam kept having to mysteriously fade away and conserve energy for the minor disasters Link created. Link, bless him, set the forest Rhoam was going to give hunting lessons in on fire the night after the initial meeting. Rhoam found Link standing sheepishly next to the flaming trees. When asked, Link shrugged apologetically and said, "Itw ascol dan dthisju stki ndo fhap pen ed?" Assuming Link was just cold, Rhoam skipped the sidequest and got the warm doublet to Link right away.

Link also accidentally started a wildfire because it was dark. Then because it was dark and cold.

The next day, Rhoam had to redirect Link towards the Sheikah Tower no less than six times. Link found the terminal sometime the day after that and then left a trail of mud and dead bokoblins all the way to the first shrine. (Rhoam didn't know mud would not follow Link into the shrine. He wondered if the builders of the shrine expected sludge being tracked in by the legendary hero.)

The weird thing was that the third time wildfires got out of control, Link looked just as irritated with himself as Rhoam was with Link. Rhoam eventually made sure that Link parked himself near a well-fueled campfire every night. After Link had caused a considerable amount of scorching, Rhoam realized he made the correct decision about hiding the book.

Now for people wondering about what Rhoam was doing, he had recovered enough ghostly energies to re-manifest in solid-looking form. Back in his hut, he dug out the Book of Mudora. It had been something he meant to give Link along with the paraglider. It had taken him years of haunting to poltergeist this book all the way up here. This book was worth far more than mere rupees to Rhoam, and perhaps to Hyrule. It had taken him even more years to try and learn how to speak the language without auditory lessons and would have been nigh impossible for the old king without the Book of Mudora.

He'd helped put out more fires than he could count. The Great Plateau survived once Link had calmed down a little and learned how to put out fires himself. Frequency of wildfire occurrences dropped significantly after Link started getting the hang of survival.

Rhoam wondered if, perhaps, this was why the Champions had been... oddly uncommunicative. Were there other things about Link which they failed to inform him of? These were the things Rhoam was contemplating as he looked from his grave at the slightly charred trees of the plateau. The Book of Mudora would stay safe here, away from the 10,117 year-old stranger.

In the distance, a bokoblin screamed as Link ran from a cloud of wasps and past it. Rhoam realized the book was in plain sight with Link approaching his hut. King Rhoam panicked for a moment wondering where to hide this old and rather valuable book where Link wouldn't even have a chance to see it. He sat down on it and let his illusory clothing conceal the book.

Link came in with a rusted sword held very carefully. The tip of the sword had a glob of Malice on it. Link pointed to it and asked, "Allr igh ttime tof igur eou tthew ordfo rthi sje rk. What this word?"

"That is MALICE. Don't touch it. Actually just, um, hold it in the firepit."

"Firepit?," Link asked as Rhoam pointed.

"That is a firepit. You know the word 'fire,'" Link nodded along as King Rhoam kept talking, "A 'pit' is a hole in the ground."

Link started roasting the sticky menace as he asked, "Ground... dirt? Thing under my foots?"

"The word is 'feet.'"

The old King realized his sanity would only last so long. The king lasted for about two and a half weeks of language lessons before deciding he'd had enough. Link had to be explicitly told where to find the last shrine and where to climb up in the Temple of Time. Rhoam checked on Link as frequently as a ghost could to keep Link on track and away from interesting Taluses. Despite annoyance with his divine punishment, King Rhoam was willing to put up with Link at least enough time more to park himself in a scenic point with a clear view of Hyrule Castle. He was royalty and there were some inflexible standards. He'd been planning this speech for decades, after all. Scenic settings were necessary for the story of his daughter.

_Seriously, what else were they not telling me about Link?, _Rhoam thought to himself.

* * *

**One hundred years before Link awakened in the Shrine, they were having serious problems. Since the hero from ten-thousand years agoish hadn't awakened, people were concerned to say the least.**

* * *

It was a lovely day with birds singing, grass growing, and the sun shining. It made a lot of people ignore the priests who were all predicting the weather would take a change this week. Fact is, most people would have ignored the soothsayers, diviners, seers, dreams, and crackpots for another afternoon had it not been for the Gerudo Sand Seal oracle. Sand seals were not fond of vague doom prophecies and political nonsense. If the seal said things were going to turn sour, there was little doubt. People were not fooled by the perfect picnic weather thanks to the seal.

The weather forecast this week? Dark clouds, monster resurrection, and the return of the Calamity's vessel from about 10,000 years ago. It wasn't actually 10,000 years ago but it had been a really long time, and the geologists/archaeologists who did the estimates were vague. Plus 10,000 years sounded better in songs and prophecies and stuff.

Zelda and her four champions were doing their darndest to stop the destruction of everything. Each of them had different ideas to try and they were running out of ideas. Revali and Mipha were waiting for Daruk who, although slower, didn't normally take this long to get to important meetings like today. Urbosa was escorting Zelda to the Sacred Spring.

When they finally saw Daruk arriving, Revali was at a loss. The normally vocal Rito could only stare at what Daruk had torn from the ground. He had to have been walking for days to get this far with it, and why no one stopped the guy was another conundrum. Revali finally managed to ask something, "Sooooo how did you even get permission to take _that_ from the Temple of Time, Daruk?"

"I figured it was easier ta not ask permission and just ask forgiveness. They'll pardon me when we win, right?" Daruk hefted the chunk of temple floor and heavenly metal alloy over his shoulder as they walked out to greet Zelda.

Since no one had been able to draw the Master Sword, he'd pulled along the pedestal from the temple and planned to just chuck it at Ganon. If the hero did show up last minute, the sword would already be there for him. Urbosa brought along a spare shield after she was done laughing and Mipha optimistically toted along a spare bow. Revali made no effort to conceal his disdain for that idea. He made every effort to point out the folly of toting along the Stone with the Sword that Seals the Darkness. (SSSD)

Zelda appreciated the thought but knew that when she returned home there was going to be a lecture the likes of which had not been heard before. The SSSD didn't help her nervousness about the coming of Ganon.

* * *

_Notes: Sooo that cover image is at casadefreewill dot tumblr dot com and Cascadefreewill is a cool artist person who was kind enough to let me use it. Wind Waker addresses the fact that languages change over time but Breath of the Wild doesn't really mention it. Edited 2/22/20_


	2. Sidequests

**Once again, we return to 100 A.C. (After Calamity.) Link continues to travel and learn new words.**

* * *

It was afternoon when Link reached the bridge. He was displeased. He was only just barely starting to grasp the cadence of modern Hyrulean language when the old man was like, 'Hey, I'm actually a ghost. Here's your quest. Bye.' He'd stuck around the plateau for a hundred years, you think he'd be able to stay long enough to make sure Link could avoid serious social faux pas. King Rhoam had spent so much time learning Link's language and then decided to cut the lesson short to tell Link to quest.

At least some things remained the same, like trees. Link wasn't sure if apples are supposed to be so big and red and sweet. It was a distinct probability that farmers had made crops even better over the millenia. This was one thing which Link liked about this whole endeavor to help a girl he's never met.

_Darn that Rhoam guy,_ Link thought as he examined the crumbling rail and found a spot that looked sound. He tested it. It looked stable enough for a thinking spot. He came up with a really good joke on the way there, but no one alive would be able to understand enough of Link's words to properly appreciate the genius. It was a good joke that poked fun at the absurdities of government and human folly. It was a masterwork of friendly satirical wit that did not rely on a pun. It also had a cucco because that makes every joke better.

As he climbed up to face the landscape and relax, he heard a frantic yell. "Wai tam inute!" Link spun back around to face the yelling man. "Ple aseth inkabo ut whaty ouar edo ing!" He sounded frantic.

"Wha tisw rong?" Link asked. The guy seemed to relax ever so slightly when Link turned around, but his agitated speaking only slowed when Link stepped back onto the ground from the wall.

Finally the words started to separate enough for Link to start making out individual words. Brigo said, "I'my oung, butyou're evenyounger. I'mtrying my bestout here, butI get thefeeling you'regoing toen duptryingeven harder in thisworld. That'sthe feeling I getwhen Ilook at yourface... But maybeI'mnuts. Nowcalm downand climb off that rail. And don'tclimbdown THATway. Climbdown THIS way"

Link wonders if he'd been getting the gist of the conversation completely wrong. "I swa llda nger ous? Shou ldis itont heo therwall?"

Brigo finally realized Link was unfamiliar with the language from the accent and butchery of grammar. "Arey ouat raveler?" Link nodded in response to the man.

Link stayed for a while to take advantage of having a new impromptu language teacher. He also came to the decision that Brigo was a really great guy and if Hyrule had more people like Brigo, then Link would like this unfamiliar country.

* * *

Link didn't understand much of what the sad child was saying, but he knew he was going to make this kid happy or die trying. He hadn't meant to make the kid sad and hoped it wasn't his fault. He does understand cooking and cooking has not changed since his time if instinct is anything to go by. It is more difficult to understand a little kid than the clear-speaking Impa or Cado.

"Koko pro mis edtoma ke Cottla so me has tyveg giecr eams oup..." Link kept pulling various ingredients out of his bag, hoping one would be the the right one and waving them in front of the kid. She didn't seem to notice. "Koko pro mis edto mak e Cottla som eha styveg giecre ams oup..." It wasn't working, so Link tried a new communication tactic.

"Draw swift carrot?" Link asked. The kid was not paying attention and kept moping. Link looked at the building nearby that looked like a shop. He didn't want to leave the little girl alone, but scampered over there. He returned triumphant with the carrot and presented it to the kid.

Link said as the little girl cooked, "You are a good sister!" He was rewarded with a joyful smile which was more than enough reward for the effort. After the soup was cooked, he happily chowed as he listened to the little girl chatter. He was not paying much attention, but he picked up on the tone easily enough and realized the problem returned. He sighed inwardly.

"OH, NO! Koko isou tofg oat but ter... Koko isab adda ught erwh o can'td oany th ingrig ht... " Koko was still lamenting the lack of butter as Link made another trip to the store. The hot buttered apple almost made up for the next problem but Link at least has raw meat on hand. He was confounded by the next request and heads to the store.

Trissa looked at the door again with a smile. She could forgive ignorance in a polite, paying customer.

"What is courser bee honey?" Trissa puzzled over how to describe this before making a buzzing sound and mimicking eating something. She also tried to draw a honeycomb in the air and the light of comprehension dawned in Link's eyes.

* * *

"...So what did the cucco have to do with the teacher going for a walk?" Cotera asked Link. Link had begun with a massive smile when he realized the Great Fairy knew the old language. She was trying to make sense of the joke and Link's expression got more annoyed with each question the Great Fairy asked.

Cotera was a born story interrupter, and explaining the joke was not working.

After this last interruption Link said, "Never mind Ma'am. You have a good day." He muttered under his breath about uncultured heathens and fairies being as bad as monks as he stalked back into town.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Link came back to ask Dorian a new word. "What word attitude?" Dorian was dreading abstract concept words. Link is intelligent, but defining the abstract stuff was starting to annoy Dorian. He did his best until both men gave up. Link walked off to the pond and looked at the torches for a while. From his expression, he was obviously in disbelief about something. He went back to the arrow shop and came back to the pond. He shrugged, jumped into the pond, then spent some time splashing around the base of a torch. The two guards appointed by Impa knew they should be watching for danger, but they wondered if they are supposed to be doing something to help Link. It would help if they knew what Link was trying to accomplish.

Eventually a torch base came loose and was disconnected from its pedestal. Link pulled himself out of the water and picked up the torch. He then held the thing into the camp fire to light it, and took it with him to the Curious Quiver.

Things clicked in Dorian's mind."Cado, do you think he misunderstood a request to light the torches?," Dorian asked. Cado was still baffled for a moment before he caught on. Cado felt embarrassed for Link as the hero returned with a sheepish slump to his shoulders. After putting the torch back in its proper place and lighting the torches, Link came over to chat with the two guards.

Link asked, "You have Cuccos?" He had zero trouble with that vocabulary word. It was probably exactly the same back in Link's day. He also seemed to have no trouble with 'fireflies.' Cuccos have not changed one bit over the millennia.

* * *

Link was leaving Kakariko to return to a blessed lack of unfamiliar syntax when he was approached by a fellow traveler. He decided to just smile and nod politely when the traveler's tone of voice seemed to indicate a sales pitch. He could resort to speaking gibberish until the person abandoned the sale, if needed.

The traveler said, "...youar efa milia rwith bot hswor dandb ow, cor rect?"

Link thought_, People really don't change do they? Of course he wanted something._ Link mentally puzzled over what the words were as Traveler repeated the sentence again more slowly. _Oh wait, she asked me a question. Something about being good with swords and bows?_ Link nodded. He didn't feel like sticking around right now and there was evil to thwart.

"Idon tkno wthela ngua geher e," Link said with an internal wince at how weird he probably sounded even with that simple statement.

"Itso kay," Traveler said with a smile, "Youa rego odwit hbow ands word?" Link nodded after a moment of thinking, "Thatsa goodskillset. Whydo n tyoujo int he Yiga Clan?" the woman stared at him expectantly.

The word 'Yiga' was unfamiliar to Link but he'd heard it in a negative connotation just recently, he was sure. Did it mean injury? Disease? Political candidate? "Skull set?"

"...Skill set. Skill." After a few more words repeated back and forth the Traveler put in some gestures with her hands which seemed to confuse Link further. She then resorted to slowly speaking and having Link repeat each part back to her while she used a crude estimation of sign language. Link knew for a certainty that he was not understanding Traveler today. He figured the woman was being so accommodating towards a fellow traveler, he shouldn't make her feel unappreciated by stopping her. Also he was still puzzling over the word 'Yiga'.

He finally asked. "Wha tword Yiga?"

Traveler seemed to give up on making Link understand and, as far as Link could tell, was ranting in annoyance. "H owcan y ounotkn ow?! Itsapowerful, bra vegro u pofwa rrio rsfo unde dby Master Kohga andded ic atedt odef eat ingah ero loooo- th isiss tupid! Die!"

_Oh wait,_ Link realized._ I know that last word_. Link won the fight with the disturbing realization that he would rather face armed combatants right now than figure out any more vocabulary words today. He walked back in to the village to ask what the word 'Yiga' meant and was stared at for a good fifteen seconds of disbelief.

* * *

"...Now please return this heirloom to its pedestal." Dorian said. Link nodded. He wasn't doing anything and Dorian facepalmed at his own thoughtlessness.

"You don't understand a word I'm saying, do you?"

This time Link nodded with certainty.

* * *

Link realized rather quickly that his ability to process what people are saying is directly proportional to his mental exhaustion. Luckily he is somewhat rested by the time he gets to a bridge to chat with a friendly red Zora. Link also realized that accents are a whole new pack of Lizalfos to deal with.

As far as his brain worked, it sounded like, "I am that Zora prince, Sidon. Myself take an eye of talent this is unparalleled..." Link got lost in the middle as he was translating mentally and tuned back in partway through. "Our needed yours strength, warrior! Win't you are a pleasure enter to Zora domain taking my?"

Link thought about it. _Um, was that a rhetorical question or... Yeah, it's probably rhetorical and small talk stuff. Idiomatic sayings._ Link said, "Sure thing." The Zora is so happy, Link wondered if he made a huge mistake or agreed to something. _Oh well._ Link adopted the strategy of smiling and nodding and trying to mentally translate as Prince Sidon talked. Link assumed he was speaking about the geography.

"Ohh! this right! I take one thing this will appreciation to given to you are! ..."

_Oh no, I lost track, what is that bottle?_

"...Prevent its effects will don't seem to worked of Zora. Perhaps due make specifically of Hylians. It should work wonders of you are, though! Me shall went with in ahead and create sure this is don't anything strange moving in where you are am headed. I'm counting in you are!"

Link didn't quite catch that and he ended up holding a bottle as Sidon swam off. Link opened the bottle and took an experimental sniff. It was a gift and, if meant to poison him, it would be less obviously foul smelling. Maybe Prince Sidon is really bad at cooking, but that doesn't make sense. Prince is a royal title. The guy seemed to be asking for help and Link just agreed to help him.

Link tried to take a swig and gagged on the mixture. He hoped whatever he just agreed to help with isn't anything major. Also whoever cooked this needs lessons. Maybe that was what he agreed to?


	3. A Man Named Lynel

Link had enough of rain to make him feel like he would never be dry again. This was a good excuse to take a break to buy supplies and maybe a hood to keep the rain off his head for a bit. Since he forgot to find Purah in that one village, it seemed like a good evening to make another attempt at locating the settlement. Link had given up on finding Hateno after he mixed up some directions and got distracted by Octoroks last week. Link also missed fire.

Hateno only took him two weeks of traveling and teleporting to find. It would have been less, but the one guy he stopped for directions quizzed him about dreams and a bunch of stuff Link didn't understand before trying to chop his head off. Link knew the vocabulary word 'Yiga' well enough now to know it wasn't an accidental insult on his part, or a customary greeting ritual on the other. The next person was, mercifully, not a Yiga and patient.

Link stumbled into Hateno that night and figured Purah would probably not want to be disturbed at this hour. Sleeping properly seemed to lessen his worrying tendency to start wildfires. (Link wondered if he was always an arsonist, or if it was brain damage like his amnesia.) He looked around for a long time trying to find the darn inn and was relieved when the person at the counter acted as if he were a customer. He knew it was unlikely, but had worried he'd be seen as a maniacal home intruder. The worry he got the building wrong vanished after the person accepted rupees and pointed him to a sleeping spot. Link was starting to think he was at least the maniacal bit. He also had the urge to stand on the counter when talking to the proprietor of the inn but suppressed it with a supreme force of willpower. Link needed sleep before he slipped into arson mode.

He was awakened by the light of the Blood Moon and remembered all the Lizalfos he'd slain on the way to Zora's Domain. No one present understood the ancient and colorful curses which spouted from his mouth.

* * *

"...Read these runes for me pleeeeaaaaase?" The little girl asked Link. She'd been asking Link to look at runes all morning and there were no signs of her stopping. Purah was thrilled to have a person who read/spoke fluent Ancient Hylian and Ancient Sheikah. Link was beginning to wonder if he'd have to sneak out when she wasn't looking. The problem was she still had his Sheikah Slate in her possession. The function repair was nice but he was wondering how long he'd be here. (He decided not to mention the readme files on each rune. He would never be free if he did.)

Link got his Slate back eventually. Symin distracted Purah with a question at about three-o-clock and Link took the opportunity to say, "ThanksgoingtoteachaZorahowtocookbye!" He teleported out before Purah was able to grab him. She grasped at the blue lights and huffed before returning to her notes.

* * *

Link approached the Zora throne room after Prince Sidon had run ahead. Zoras' Domain was so beautiful that he stopped for a moment to drink in the views. The stonework was amazing. He also appreciated that the place wasn't flammable. He'd hate to accidentally set this place on fire.

Link strolled into the throne room and waited for the introductions.

It was time to get this over with. Link needed to know.

Link asked, "A mib einga ske dtoslay mons terso rwo rkas ac ook?" The Zora King looked at him funny and Link wondered if he got the words wrong. "Sorrybu tiha veto fr eea Divine Beast? Idon othav et imef orco ok ing..." Link knew he should have listened much more closely to what Sidon was saying along the way. The simultaneous facepalms were a good sign that he'd messed up somehow. Link rehearsed the words on the way but it could also have been a translation error.

Link tried again. "Zelda tol dm etoge tonb oar da Divine Beast?"

* * *

Later, Link was hiking up the trail wondering who Lynel was. He probably wasn't too social of a fellow if he lived at the top of a mountain. Hopefully he was willing to share shock arrows. If there was a terrifying monster up there, Lynel probably needed those shock arrows for self-defense. Link thought he could sneak past the monster and trade or perhaps kill the monster as payment? The recent Blood Moon had Link worried. Lynel might have been left alone against monsters. That would be awful.

Two hours later Link stumbled into Zoras' Domain and found a guard. He quickly explained he couldn't find Lynel anywhere as best as he could. He was worried about the guy, clearly he'd fired a lot of shock arrows around the place. The monster had a large supply and had probably stolen them from Lynel. He slew the monster up there but couldn't find the missing man and time was of the essence. If Lynel was dead, they could get the body down long before the next Blood Moon at least.

He felt so embarrassed when the Zoras explained Lynel was the name of the monster.

* * *

"...Good answer! Let's get going! OK! Here we go!" Link nodded enthusiastically as Prince Sidon explained a plan for attacking Vah Ruta.

Prince Sidon was happy the guy seemed to understand until he noticed Link was just standing there. Prince Sidon remembered the throne room and the misunderstanding about the Lynel. "Should we go over the plan again? I'll draw pictures."

The pictures worked and Vah Ruta went down fast.


	4. My Apologies to the Sidon Fans

Link sighed. He couldn't rest, relax, and take his time to figure out conjugations. As he traveled, glimpses of the swirling darkness surrounding Hyrule Castle captured his attention. Every single Blood Moon he heard a sad voice warn him of the danger. It had been several times before Link decided it wasn't just in his head. In Link's mind, the girl's voice seemed to be in perfect Ancient Hylian. This had initially led him to think it was a hallucination, but there was an instinct which told Link otherwise.

After boarding Vah Ruta, he was surprised when another girl's voice could be heard in a place where no girl could be seen. Maybe it was that sinister goop? Sidon looked at Link like he was crazy when he tried to ask if he heard the girl too. Maybe he wasn't just amnesiac and a pyromaniac? This was a really worrying development. Not only did he have a voice in his head, he had two which spoke different languages. Link got to worry about schizoprenia on top of saving Hyrule.

Great.

* * *

Sidon watched the strange Hylian. Articulating slowly, Sidon asked, "Are you sure the voice said 'Mipha?'" This guy, Link, had been helpful for getting in here, but Sidon wasn't sure he liked where this conversation was going. The thought of his sister's spirit being trapped here on this accursed machine haunted him now. His temper was shorter and he was starting to doubt Link's reliability. It was creeping him out when the small man stopped to listen to sounds which Sidon could not hear. Link was talking quietly to the walls as they held the Slate to terminals.

Link was tense and wary. He splashed on through Vah Ruta in a blue armored shirt which was definitely too big for him. It was a shirt made to be form fitting on an adult Zora and, were it any larger, would be a tent-like dress on Link. Even with the belt it looked ridiculous and the helmet clashed with the outfit. Muzu had a lot of objections to the previous king's engagement armor being appropriated for this mission. The teenagers were caught off guard by a floating skull and Sidon slipped a little too close to a vein of Malice. The burning pain was enough to stop Sidon from immediately moving ahead.

Link was at least alert enough to notice when Sidon's leg was injured. The alarmed Link said to Sidon, "You hurt!"

"Not really."

"Need to bandage now so-"

"Nope. We need to finish freeing the Divine Beast. We only just got here." Sidon said to Link as he frowned.

Link pestered him for a while longer before finally letting the issue drop. It was another terminal later when Prince Sidon watched Link stop to listen to the flowing waters and then head to an outside ledge. Link peered intently downwards from his perch and Sidon wondered if there was a switch down the wall. He came to the ledge and copied Link's look downwards into the lake below Vah Ruta. Nothing caught his eye.

Sidon's musings about what kind of hallucinations Link had were cut short when Link seemed to vanish and Sidon felt a push from behind accompanied by a clinking sort of sound. It seemed like several smaller pushes at once which combined into a shove of just enough force to send Sidon off the edge and into the water below.

Sidon yelled, "WHYYYYyyyyyyy?!"

"Mipha told me to!," Link yelled back in response. He wasn't sure Sidon would hear it, but felt the need to explain himself and the use of Stasis. "Mipha said to keep smiling! She loves you!" From the faintly outraged voice below, Link realized that this was not going to absolve him of guilt in Sidon's mind.

* * *

Now that Vah Ruta had stopped flooding the countryside, it was time for Link to move on. He'd rebooted Vah Ruta and set a few things in the SheikahOS to help prevent further issues. He may not remember his own past, and was hallucinating ghost Zoras, but he could read the menu options on startup. Link knew he was going to have to travel a good distance to get to Death Mountain but he was looking forward to the trip for a few reasons.

First reason: He wanted to be dry and warm for a while.

Second reason: Link wouldn't necessarily need to ask for directions. Death Mountain was a highly visible landmark.

Third, and most important, reason: **No one can arrest you for arson if the entire place is already perpetually on fire.**

Link stopped for a victory apple as the ghost Zora he was hallucinating spoke with a good deal of joy, a lot of sorrow, and a touch of irritation. "I amr eal, I'ma fra id... Thankyo ufor getti ngmy brot herto saf etyan dfree ing Vah Ruta. Whyi sitth aty ouhea rme, but Sidon ca nnot?"

"Nope. Not doing this. The amnesia and arson are bad enough." Link said to the girl which totally should not exist. He mused about how to avoid setting a wildfire on the road. He'd leave before the region finished drying off.

"Your emi ndme o fsome thi ng, mi ght iseey ourf ace, ple ase?..." The transparent red Zora was getting a better look under the helmet now and Link realized something.

The Zora girl was triggering a memory. From the looks of it, the girl remembered something too.


	5. Terrible First Impressions

**The narrative goes back in time to t-minus-149 hours before the fall of Hyrule Castle. The plot is not jumping the shark: The plot is shield-jumping over the Zora Council of Elders.**

* * *

Urbosa and Zelda walked back to the stone gate in silence. although the Spring of Courage was absolutely a place worth taking pictographs of, neither of them was in the mood to appreciate it. Zelda was hoping that making visits to the other springs before her 17th birthday visit to Mount Lanayru would help matters. At least they were out of the castle.

Urbosa wanted to vaporize something, but Zelda's insecurities were not a tangible thing. King Rhoam was tangible but there were other issues with that course of action. (King Rhoam was just an idiot who wanted to not have his daughter eaten by Ganon. Also there were diplomatic issues with vaporizing him.) Rumbling underfoot signaled to Zelda and her Champions that something was up. It was a light rumble that was barely noticeable.

Revali flew up and, as soon as it was possible to be seen, spotted a thin line of dark smoke rising through the trees by a creek. They all had expected more from Ganon and it was underwhelming. Daruk set the pace as he was the slowest in the party. His steps thundered as the Stone with the Sword that Seals the Darkness gleamed in the evening light. It was originally in their plans to go straight to the Divine Beasts but the crack in the ground was right in their way to the parking place. The forces of evil were so inconsiderate about these things.

Revali could have made it to Vah Medoh but the line of sight was just too perfect for archery. He glared at the creature pulling itself from the ground and wheezing.

Revali flew right back to his team and missed the thing wiping off the optic lens on his helmet and muttering "AAAAAaaaand I have no idea where my sword is. Lovely. Come on, map system... _What do you mean communications are offline_?!" It looked down at his armor at what should have been blue. He saw purple and went, "Oh."

Revali wouldn't have understood anyways even if the language was modern Hylian. It wasn't so much that the newcomer had a frog in his throat as much as the entire Don Gero Choir crammed into his esophagus. Link's attempts to reboot his Sheikah Sensor were interrupted by the Champions' logical reaction to the scene.

* * *

The fight with the 'Demon King' had been unexpectedly easy for the first stage.

"Ica **n**expla ini**ts**th iscur s**e**a nd-_*cough*_" The glowing red eyes looked back and forth between the arrows which were being aimed at him. The demon's voice rasped like he'd been gargling dirt for a while. This might be a side effect when people dig their way out from underground covered in darkness. "-thi s**r**eal l**yi**s nt _*hack*_ wh**a** ti**tlo** oksl i**k**e-" Mipha lunged and he jumped aside with practiced dodging form. "-Myn ameis Link!"

Link avoided Mipha and Revali's attacks with ease while he kept pleading in a long-forgotten ancient language. The mud and grime of centuries didn't help his appearance, but Zelda noticed armor akin to the plating on the Guardians. It is likely anything else would have rotted ages ago.

"Die demon!"

"Oh come on, that should have hit him!"

"Stay focused! He's the Calamity for crying out loud, did you expect him to stand still?!"

"I**do**n t**u**nde rs**ta**n da wor dy**ou** ar es a**yi** ng! Wai tistha tthe-" The 'demon' looked at the SSSD on Daruk's shoulder with wide eyes. This distraction caused him to take a stab in the arm from Mipha's trident. The armor was effective, but the force behind the strike would probably leave a bruise in the morning. An arrow scored a solid hit on the helmet and it fell off.

Urbosa's lightning struck Link while he was saying "Sur elyth isis**a cr**u eljo ke..." He was stunned by the crackling electricity. Daruk took aim at Link and hurled the Stone with the Sword that Seals the Darkness with all his might. The twitching demon was then crushed by the SSSD and left in the dirt with the SSSD rolling off his back.

Zelda yelled for people to stay alert. Even though a lack of video games were to be found in Hyrule, legends still spoke of a second porcine form that always seemed to happen as if to say 'I know I lost but I still hate you.' It wouldn't take them completely by surprise when the final boss had multiple forms. The not-quite-six-foot-tall fellow with the white hair, glowing red eyes, and grey skin lay on the grass without moving. Daruk's masonry chucking seemed to have crushed the demon into submission.

Link had scarcely been down for a moment before the air around him and the crack exploded with darkness and purple lightning. It threw all the champions back. Even Daruk was blasted away as the miasma completely defied conservation of matter and roared away from them. The Champions picked themselves up off the ground and chugged elixirs as they ran for the Divine Beasts. Daruk hastily grabbed the SSSD. Zelda dutifully followed Urbosa's command to stay at her side.

Had she looked backwards, she might have seen the Master Sword sitting down on the grass next to the motionless white-haired man. It wasn't until they were out of sight on the way to the Castle that Daruk noticed the stuff he was lugging lost a few digits of the acronym and was now just an S. The rest of the acronym had slid out and fallen into the grass near a river and a rather battered individual in cracked Ancient Armor.

The fight with the 'Demon King' had been unexpectedly easy for the first stage. Pity no one understood what he was saying.

* * *

First, we look at the impact zone as the Champions ride off to save the day and chase down that giant cloud of darkness, wherever it was going.

The first one to notice the SSD from the SSSD missing was Revali, with his eye for detail.

Revali yelled, "Where is the sword?!"

Everyone looked at the flooring which was crumbling apart. The clump of masonry was declumping without the Master Sword's stubborn refusal to be removed by people and three tiles dropped during the moment of silence. Realization set in before the last tile reached the ground.

As one the Champions all turned around and moved as fast as they could.

* * *

Now at the side of the river, the fog of darkness had not gone unnoticed by the servants of Ganon. It was properly doomy and visible for miles around. One scout Yiga ran to see what the fuss was about and had been watching from a distance. He made a strategic decision to stay away from Urbosa's lighting strike range and have faith in Lord Ganon's fighting ability. After the explosion, he crept closer to the aftermath and saw the armored thing move and groan.

"L-Lord Ganon?... OH MY GOSH I'M COMING!" Yiga Guy sprinted in to the villainous rescue. The groaning guy was hacking up more dust and coughing. Yiga Guy tried to drag him as gently, and quickly as possible to the river. The wounded man scooped water onto his face and kept hacking and spitting for a while.

All the while, Yiga Guy was speaking in a constant stream of worshipful apologies. "Oh, Lord Ganon, I'm sorry those awful people did this to you. We'll help you get revenge on that Goron yet. Drinking the Princess' blood will probably help you feel better and how did you do that thing with the explosion it was a really good idea to distract those 'heroes' like that and we have all been so excited to see you come in our day and..." Yiga guy dug in his pockets for anything that could help.

Ancient Armored Fellow was wiping as much dirt off as he could. He looked much more like a person now rather than a dark Malicious monster. He looked positively un-menacing as he gulped water and ran his eyes along the ground in search of something. It was difficult to pick out what he was saying since his voice was so harsh and raw. "So**rr** ywha twa stha t? Hol d**on**i got taf in**d**m ysword..." The man covered in mud squinted up at the red and black costume. He looked at the mask and then pointed at Yiga Guy. "Heym anyo urma skis upsi dedo wn. Jus tlett ingyo ukn ow."

Yiga Guy said, "Huh?" Yiga Guy looked at the filthy and puzzled demon lord in front of him. Maybe the hearty elixir would help Lord Ganon? He assumed so. He handed the vial to his lord and got him to drink it with very little hand motions. Wounded Muddy Man smiled after choking down the elixir and starting to feel the effects.

Wounded Guy tried again. This time he repeated himself in an ancient Sheikah dialect. He pointed up at his own face. Both men stared at each other. Wounded guy and Yiga guy kept going back and forth with the same confused 'huh' and incomprehensible gibberish.

Eventually Wounded Man put a hand up at his own forehead and one at his chin. He pantomimed a 180 degree spin along his face in a clockwise direction. Yiga Guy mimicked the gesture. This was repeated a few times. After the sixth attempt, Yiga Guy realized what Link was trying to say and got an idea of what the problem was.

"OHHHHH. No, the Sheikah symbol is supposed to be upside down... Of course you don't understand me, how long have you been trapped underground?! Leaping Lizalfos, I feel dumb now."

"Sorr yisti lldon tkno wwha tyoua res ayi-" Link's eyes widened as his gaze traveled across the grass. His smile grew even bigger. He cried joyfully, "MYSWORD!" Yiga Guy stepped aside as Link leaped to the ground with surprising speed. He still was in bad shape, but he was ignoring pain in favor of clutching a shiny metal object to his chest in a hug. The energetic glee and a massive smile made it clear just how happy Link was to get his stuff back.

Yiga Guy got a better look at the Master Sword, "You are not Lord Ganon! How dare you impersonate him?!"

"Huh?"

* * *

If you think that Link came out of the fight as the winner, you are correct. Yiga guy got Link in the right elbow with his blade but, even wounded, Link parried and retaliated. After the initial surprise, the attacker stood no chance of victory. Link gave up on trying to talk the Yiga guy down.

Link wondered, _Am I still radiating evil and stuff? Does this outfit make me look possessed? _He really doubted his ceramic-alloy armor looked possession-y but it was covered in a lot of dirt and scratches. He didn't have time to check a mirror right at the moment.

Today had not been Link's day. As he was fending off this angry Sheikah and wondering what he did to tick off the man, the Rito from earlier swooped down from the sky in an unbelievably theatrical manner. Link did not understand a single word of the guy's speech, but it was dramatic.

The Yiga vanished and he faced the archer. He saw red swimming in the water and realized he was going against two people, or possibly three. If he didn't have the Master Sword back in his arms, he probably would have just laid down and let things kill him. That girl earlier looked like Zelda, but there was no recognition in her eyes. Just how long had he been trapped?

The Rito archer had a strung bow pointed at him and, Link assumed this anyways, was yelling for him to drop the sword. Link kept the point leveled at his foe as best as he could, despite the blood loss.

"I will not drop this sword," Link said to the Rito, "It is MY sword." In the corner of his vision he saw the movement of the Zora leaving the water. She slowly and carefully went to the side of the Rito and the two were conferring about something. The archer did not relax even as the rest of the group were coming up the road. No one seemed to be wearing proper, Sheikah-made, armor.

Zelda had not been visible at first. She'd been hidden behind a Gerudo and that boulder-chucking Goron. It... wasn't his friend Zelda? Link could not decide if he was grateful for the SSSD landing on him, or angry. He settled on the grateful. He had been radiating darkness at the time and, in the Goron's place, would have done the same thing. Maybe he shouldn't be pointing a sword at these people? He didn't want to die just after being reunited with his sword. If he was going to die, he wanted something to eat first.

* * *

Link didn't remember how he ended up on the ground again but his elbow definitely felt better now. He noticed the Zora holding his arm... healing it? This was a development that he liked. He looked up at the group of faces which were angry, curious, and alarmed. Each face had many different emotions, but all of them looked and sounded confused. He stayed down and tried not to antagonize as they all argued in what was, to him at least, total gibberish.

Food would have been nice, especially with water. He'd even eat rock roast at this point.

* * *

_Special thanks to you lovely reviewers, favoriters, and followers. __Green Swordsman, Ri2, MoonSamurai, and Lleu are pretty nice people. __Valonstar Aldrendaux spotted a dreadful error that needed fixing in this chapter. _


	6. Mipha's Minor Test of Patience

**It is 100 A.C. and Link is a little freaked out, Mipha gets a Minor Test of Patience, and a reunion ten-thousand years in the making occurs.**

* * *

"Oh my... Are you the same Link that we met back when..." Mipha saw Link stare back for a moment then scramble backwards. His half-eaten apple rolled off and was forgotten. She looked backwards to see what made him react that way. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you but are you all right now? Link?" She frowned. She might have to repeat herself and maybe use simpler terms. Unlike Rhoam, she hadn't had access to books to try and learn about ancient languages for the past hundred years. Link's sudden change in demeanor was a little alarming and she wondered if he was injured more than she had thought.

Mipha carefully approached him. "...Link? You okay?" She inspected him and tried to pat his shoulder. That didn't work with an insubstantial hand so she tried making air motions to look like she was patting his hand in a comforting manner. Why was Vah Ruta solid to her but not some other things? Link had been shivering from the freezing cold water and the Blight's assault so it was hard to tell if it was just the hypothermia

Link was not listening. "Itw assod ark! Som uc hdar kness!" He was breathing in rapid, shallow gulps of air.

Mipha was even more concerned at this point. He probably had shock, definitely had hypothermia, and was bleeding if the spots on her grandfather's engagement armor was anything to go by. "Link? Um, let me try healing you please. Also you need to get warm..." She held a hand to his chest and finally got a sign of awareness from the Hylian.

"You reh ealin gme. Ireme mbe ryo uheale dme?"

"I'm sorry, I don't understand?"

"Ohye ahth atwas thepr ob lembefore... Thank you? I feel better? I remembered how we met!"

"Get warm." Mipha said. She decided to reinforce the point since he hadn't seemed too good with the modern language and this was really important. "Make fire, get dry, it is cold." If any one of those points was understood, it would help. She wondered if Sidon was trying to come back. Since she was stuck haunting a location or person... She made a decision and focused her healing power into a sphere. Using this much ghostly energy to talk had been exhausting. She hoped she had enough to try and steer Vah Ruta as well as try and communicate with Sidon.

Link gave a cross-eyed examination to the orb which resembled the orbs from the Shrine Monks. "I have questions." This was an understatement; He had an interrogation list of epic length.

"Go to Zora's domain. I must go soon... please, save the others." Vah Ruta needed to be moved now. Away from Vah Ruta, she wasn't sure she could talk to people but this was worth a try. She would ask him about where the Master Sword was later. For now, Mipha was starting to fade a little from the mortal plane of existence.

"Um, why didn't Rhoam say ANYTHING ABOUT THAT."

"About what?"

"Iwa spos sesed! Lik ewhydid ntthekin gte llmeab outm yswor dandpe oplet hro wingroc ksat me..." Link smacked his forehead and slowly picked out words. "Why did King Rhoam not say stuff about me... uhhhh..." He didn't know the words for cursed or possession in this language. "...about me having darkness? Master Sword?"

Mipha looked mortified even with her increasing transparency. "We didn't tell King Rhoam too much, Zelda swore us to secrecy about nearly killing the one chosen by the Master Sword... It was embarrassing. We didn't know what to make of you either."

* * *

Prince Sidon stalked back to Vah Ruta from Zora's Domain with a rope tied to a trident head. The trident head was snapped off at the base and the prongs bent into a serviceable grappling hook which he hoped would suffice. If Link was going to have the audacity to push him off Vah Ruta, he would probably be brazen enough to try and finish the job without Sidon. Prince Sidon assumed there would be something on Vah Ruta which had taken his sister away: This theory was supported by the feeling of being watched by unfriendly eyes throughout the Divine Beast.

Sidon would have been back sooner but was forced to try and hide his leg injuries because that would have led to even more delays. Sometimes having people care about you was a bit of a problem. He could imagine Muzu would have had to be physically removed from the doorway. (Sidon remembered that he could just dive out of a window instead of resorting to such a drastic measure.) It had been hard enough to convince the knights not to bring everyone and as it was, he had a couple of guys following along to see if they could help.

The three Zoras swam even faster when they heard the uncanny scream from Vah Ruta. By the time they reached Vah Ruta, they saw it beginning to move. They didn't need to see it with their eyes from the way the ground was quaking. Vah Ruta going underwater should have made it easier for a trio of Zora to get aboard.

The three stopped mid-dive when the shivering Link appeared from thin air next to them. Sidon forgot Link would probably need clear enunciation and repetition. He grabbed the small man's shoulders to keep him from vanishing unexpectedly before the stern talking-to.

"HEY! Why you little- Why did you push me off the ledge?!"

"Huh?"

"You. Pushed. Me."

Link got the gist of what Sidon was saying. "You got hurt!"

Dunma was aghast at Link. "Wait, you pushed him off...," He looked at Sidon's legs, "Oh I thought that extra leg armor was weird. Your Highness why did you not get that looked at by a healer?!" Sidon sighed as he realized he'd been found out too. He glared at Link for ratting him out.

Link dug the hole a little deeper with his honesty. "I saw a Mipha? She is happy to see you and is here?" The staring from the three Zora intensified as did the silence. "She says to tell you 'F-fate parted us, but I am proud of you for protacting-sorry-pro_tect_ing our belaved-_beloved_ home from harm.'" There was not any response from the Zora. "Sorry, new words."

He prayed he said it right so he wasn't haunted by a caring ghost Zora for the rest of his life. It was better short-term than an angry living Zora but might be a little awkward.

"...Oh Mipha..." Sidon said and Link decided he got it right when Mipha gave him a tearful smile before vanishing. The walk back to Zora's Domain was long, awkward, and educational for Link. He had a lot of new words to get definitions for. Fate was a little tricky to define.

* * *

Aboard Vah Ruta, Mipha's melancholy smile emerged as she took in the scenery and reveled in the newfound hope.

"Vah Ruta, you at last are free of corruption..." She reappeared in the interior control room to enjoy the lack of Malice in the water and listen to the inner working of the laser-charging machine.

She stopped and amended her previous assumption. There was a little bit of corruption, although it wasn't of the cursed variety. The half eaten apple bobbed in the corner of the pool and had somehow gotten stuck there while Vah Ruta moved to its current position. Mipha tried to influence it somehow to get rid of the now brown fruit. Given that she was a ghost that was not going to work. The apple didn't move one bit in the water from Mipha's attempts to affect the waters. She wondered if she could just move Vah Ruta to pour it out, but then remembered that Vah Ruta was in aiming mode. The charging also made it a bit dangerous to ask Link to come back and move the core.

Mipha resigned herself to the apple remaining there until it rotted away entirely, or until Link finished his mission. Whichever came first. Maybe Link would call on her power soon so she could check on him.

* * *

Link wasn't sure how he ended up getting so lost on the way but the change of scenery was just so calming and peaceful. The relaxation had done wonders for him and he wasn't that worried about accidental grass fires. Plus the rumors had drawn him to the plains.

Something wasn't right about any of the horses he tried to ride. They were all good horses who deserved love. He gave them that but, inevitably, would have a dissatisfaction bubble up from within. He named them, fed them, then set them free rather than registering them. It wasn't the cash. Link also didn't want to bring horses into dangerous situations where they might be hurt. He tried a number of mounts. He'd tried deer and those were worse. He'd tried a bear and wasn't sure why he thought that would be a good idea. He did not regret the bear because the look on the Kass' face was utterly priceless.

The latest fiasco on the way to Death Mountain had been worse than the bear. He was traveling at night, as idiot heroes do. When he took out the group of skeletal enemies he's been left looking at the undead horse. He normally would put it out of its misery but stopped. This looked like a fireproof horse and he wouldn't feel bad about putting it in danger. It was going to make the Death Mountain trip much easier if he could get this to work.

Link found the Stalhorse to be horribly uncomfortable but it worked for a time. He forgot about a crucial fact with the undead creatures he'd encountered. Link was riding until dawn rose. When the sun poked itself over the horizon, he found himself dropping instead of being in a full gallop. Mipha, mercifully, did not ask about how he'd been thrown into a tree trunk at top horse running speed without any monster culprits visible. She just healed him.

* * *

The Stable recognized the blond kid as the one who never registered horses. He was starting to become a common sight at the Twin Peaks stable. He did pay the stable to care for the horses, but then would set the horses free or hand them to other people who needed a ride. People who worked there understood that this customer wasn't terribly good with the local language and tried to help Link understand things.

Of late, Link had been asking everyone he met about the Master Sword and coming up with a lot of nothing. He wasn't riding anything that morning when he came in to the Stable at the Death Mountain trail. He did not mention the Stalhorse since he didn't think anyone would believe him and it was embarrassing. He added it to the list of unbelievable things next to the ghosts, fairies, tiny tree people, and being thousands of years old.

Link tried to eavesdrop on people to work on his tenses and test his vocabulary. Random snippets would catch his attention and he'd lose track of the conversation long before he could formulate any contributions to conversation. He took a seat at a campfire with a stablehand and another woman who was carrying a lot of bottles. He was idly letting his attention drift while sharpening his sword when the stablehand caught his attention. "Then myself heard outward upon that lake this is that horse god. "

The traveler talking to the stablehand folded her arms, "I hear that say! I hear the horse god backwards horse death!"

Link tried to join the conversation and maybe get the people to repeat that. "Backwards... horse... death?" This time he actually listened to the stablehand.

"Yeah! The horse god lives lake, brings back dead horse! He also..." Link didn't know the next word. He tried the pronounciation.

"Ponish?" Link's mind was frantically trying to translate.

The stablehand said, "Punish! When you do bad to bad people because they bad. The horse god punishes people who bad to horse. Been around thousands of years." The traveler seemed to lose interest as she was checking her fish to see if it needed more time.

Link's curiosity got the best of him. Maybe this horse god, if it was real, would be worth talking to. Would they know the ancient language and have a sense of humor? would they have information about his sword? It was time to take on the herculean task of asking for directions.

First, Link had to establish that he heard this right. "Did I understand correctly? This horse god is thousands of years old?"

"He is really old. Watch horses for long time."

Link nodded and smiled. It was time for the next step. He pulled out his paper map of Hyrule which he used in unfamilar areas. The Sheikah Slate drew a lot of attention and Link wanted to avoid random ambushes. "Where is the horse god?"

* * *

It was a really long journey and Link was grateful for the Sheikah Slate's teleportation function. Link looked at the lake and consulted the Slate's map before crossing the bridge. He looked at the bud with irritation when it came into view. He didn't need another Great Fairy; his wallet wouldn't handle much more of this. When he heard the plaintive voice calling from the bud, he knew he couldn't walk away. Not without a major guilt trip.

Link ignored the Modern Hyrulian words and asked, in Ancient Hylian, "Hey, would you happen to understand my language? Are you another Great Fairy?"

"Oh... That is a language I have not heard in some time. Would you happen to have rupees with you? I'm a little stuck."

"I have some," Link decided might as well get to the point, "How much cash?"

"Have you ever felt the pain of losing a horse co-oh wait, you're just offering them already? I need a thousand to have my power returned to me."

Link regretfully forked over the rupees and stepped back as the flower opened, "So, uh, you feel better yet?" He had not been expecting Malanya to look like that when he emerged from the spring.

Malanya shook out his mane. "I suppose you serve a reward for setting me free... Shall I make you my MEAL?!"

"I'd like to see you try it!" Link was just as surprised by the friendly, joking laugh from the spirit.

"I only jest... Oh? There's a horse that knows you! Say, you kept your friend waiting for a long time. It is quite irresponsible."

"Sorry, what?"

"The friendship you established with this horse is really extraordinary. Ten-thousand years and she still misses you. What rock were you under? You should have come here sooner!"

"Uhhh... The Shrine of Resurrection and a lot of basalt," Link said to the spirit, "Maybe some sandstone? I didn't really check. There was this curse. I don't remember much and I kind of have amnesia problems. Among other issues." Thanks to the other issues, Link had been told off for standing on shop tables when talking to people. He wasn't sure why he liked to loom over people when talking to them and was working on that after the arson was taken care of.

Malanya tilted his head and seemed to accept this excuse. As far as excuses went, this was possibly the best one he's had from an ex-horse-owner. "I really should punish you for abandoning Epona, but I suppose I can't fault you for getting cursed..." This time Link didn't flinch and reach for his sword when Malanya decided to mess with him, "Abandon her again and YOU WILL SUFFER MY WRATH!" The outstretched talons wiggled a couple of feet from Link's face as Link mulled over the name Epona. It sounded... familiar.

"Epona? Is that the horse's name?" Saying the name definitely triggered nostalgia.

"...Seriously, you forgot her? Let me tell you, she has not forgotten you. Rewarding a friend by forgetting about her... I COULD END YOU RIGHT HERE AND NOW! I jest." Link rolled his eyes but stopped when Malanya asked, "Shall I bring Epona back to travel with you once more?"

Link enthusiastically agreed even before his brain caught up to his instincts. Epona triggered flashes of warm, happy memories as he hugged the mare. This horse felt right and he silently vowed to keep Epona safe even while traveling all over Hyrule. Malanya chuckled and dropped back into his spring as Link said every single expression of gratitude he could think of. He'd forgotten to try the joke out on Malanya, for which he would kick himself later.

This had been worth way more than a thousand rupees.

* * *

Notes: Being incorporeal has so much poetential for annoying situations. Sorry Mipha fans. I heard Nintendo has confirmed pettable dogs in the Breath of the Wild sequel and if that is a hoax then I might cry. Thanks for the reviews!


	7. Fireproof Wizards and the Master Torch

**We're still at 100 A.C. and Link gets to speak with the modern people, plus he gets another sidequest done after being sidetracked.**

* * *

Link rode into the Foothill Stable and then proceeded to do his best to spoil his horse on his own. The stablehands thought longingly about maybe getting a horse like that someday. It had disappointed them to find out this was a horse that Link didn't want to give away or release. They'd offered a fair price, then a somewhat larger fair price, then someone offered their arm and leg for Epona. Link refused all offers. He did deign to let some kids pet Epona because how could he refuse the puppy dog eyes? The background chatter seemed to slide off Link's ears while he hung around the stable.

Link's attention was wandering as he brushed Epona's mane. He'd opted to take the road on horseback to Death Mountain and reacquaint himself with Epona. He'd foraged some great supplies on the way and found extra weapons which seemed immolation-resistant. During the trip he decided Epona was the best ever. She didn't require syntax, understood his commands, was gentle, and did not care a whit about the amnesia. Not only was she a calming influence, Link could get horse-talk. Socializing was great when you could talk about horses all day.

A stablehand's voice stood out slightly from the noise. "Oh man, you wouldn't believe who I ran into in Lanayru the other day..."

The other conversationalist snorted. "Let me guess, Yolero?"

The next sentence grabbed Link's attention. "Yeah, he was waving around the Master Torch again. He's convinced he's gonna save the Princess with it."

This drew an interruption from the formerly silent Link. "Master Sword?!" Link cried and startled the two men. "Who has it?"

Unfortunately for Link, the speaker didn't quite catch the near-homophone issue. It may have saved Link a bit of wet clothing. "Um, Yolero? He hangs out at the Lanayru Wetlands Stable. He has this 'Master Torch' and says he's gonna kill Ganon with it." This traveler watched Link start packing the moment he finished talking.

Link yelled backwards as he left with a pat on Epona's nose, "Thanks!"

It wasn't until after Link had gone around the corner when the one traveler looked at the other. "I think he misheard you. He said 'Sword,' not 'torch.'"

The stablehand walked around the side then returned with a stunned look on his face. "Um, he's already gone. Dang, he's fast."

* * *

Link glared at the man who glared back. He'd asked around the stable and almost immediately found the person. The weapon was a different matter.

"That is NOT the Sword."

"Hah! Everybody knows it is the Torch that Seals the Darkness! The Master Torch is my weapon and I'm going to defeat Ganon with it!"

"Where's the Master Sword?"

"Torch. You expect a sword to do the job?"

"Sword. SWORD. It should be a sword!" Link knew there was a lot of things which he did not understand but he was confident he knew what he was talking about on this subject.

"It's a TORCH." There was tension in the air as the men stared at each other. Yolero turned back to his training. Link sighed and shuffled off to teleport back to the foothills. Epona deserved to get some rest, as did he. This had been a colossal waste of time.

Link shuffled back to put out a small flame before it got out of hand. Then he left again. Darn subliminal messaging word association whatever.

* * *

Days later, Link had left Epona behind at the Foothill stable and was muttering to himself. He knew this trip would probably cure his arson if he could survive it. He now looked back at the damp and chilly Vah Ruta with nostalgia. Infinite pocket size helped his water supply and he was grateful for the ice rod on his back. It didn't make much difference, but he'd take it.

Chuchus and other unnatural wildlife kept bugging him but Link was more distressed when his notebook had caught fire. He felt genuine terror when it fell out of his bag and exploded as the parchment immediately hit flash-point temperature. He'd inspect the damage later when he got a shrine to teleport closer to Goron City. Link prayed his notes on split-infinitives survived the ordeal. He also hoped the next shrine monk was more into small-talk than every other monk he'd found. They hadn't wanted to chat about anything at all. Link hoped at least one would have known him in the past and shared info like, say, his middle name.

He chugged down another fireproof elixir as he asked a man about clothes. Then asked the man what he was getting at.

Kima wondered why on earth this foreigner was looking at him like he was the crazy one. It was just the lizards. It wasn't like the critters were scarce around here. He could see one scurrying around twenty feet away. "Yeah, if you catch lizards for me, I will give you my armor. How do I make it any clearer? I need ten of them."

"Um, ten lizards? Why!?" Link's disbelief dripped from every syllable.

Kima was baffled, "To take home and give to people!" He saw Link's mouth drop open even wider. Was the concept of a souvenir that incomprehensible to this foreigner? "Look, I just saw you catch two of them five minutes ago. Just get more."

Link went quiet for a moment and he went from astounded to merely thoughtful. He said, "Lizards... Those little animals? Lizards are not the things that walk on air and try to kill me?"

Kima didn't get it right away. He sighed when he realized what happened. "That's _wizards_, buddy. Wizzrobes if you want to be technical. Why would anyone take Wizzrobes home with them?"

Link caught enough lizards for the man's souvenirs and for more elixirs. At least Link still found it hilarious when people assumed he was not from Hyrule. There was so much irony in a guy who'd been existing in a country for thousands of years being mistaken for a new arrival. _Actually, was I even in Hyrule while I was missing for ten-thousand years?... _Link thought to himself. He decided he probably didn't want to remember or know.

* * *

After a lot of negotiation with the armor shop owner, he managed to sell enough stuff to afford fireproof trousers. Link was happy about that and very proud of himself. He'd acted as if he was a normal person for the full length of an hour. Now it was time to find someone who knew how to catch a different kind of fireproof lizard. Link spotted a likely-looking house from his perch. He tried asking the Goron right below him, but the guy wasn't very helpful. Link couldn't make out anything of what the guy was saying.

Link picked a few words out of what the confused Goron was saying. He looked down at his feet. _Of course,_ he now mused, _maybe I shouldn't stand on this cooking grill? This might be unsanitary... _Link trotted off, leaving a flummoxed chef behind. Link hoped that he could act nonchalant and avoid ever talking to the guy again. Either that or chatter away in his own language and pretend this was normal in some other country.

It took him a while to get a definition of 'eruption' when talking to Bludo. Then he had to have the plan repeated about twelve times. If it were not for the Sheikah Slate being fireproof, Link would have had to make a map out of some rock. Link asked a lot of questions with Bludo to see how, exactly, Yunobo was crucial to getting aboard Vah Rudania. Link wasn't so sure about the part where he used the cannon. Was he really supposed to trust the landing on a moving target? This whole thing sounded like it would end in death by lava or gravity. This was assuming Link survived the initial launch out of the cannon.

As he was headed out of town, he saw a Goron chowing down on a rock roast sprinkled with Goron spice. The smell and sight of the rock roast, combined with an enormous statue's visage, tugged at the corners of his memory.

* * *

Notes: James Birdson, Valonstar, and ChangelingRin: Your reviews rock as much as Goron City! So do all you other readers. You know, I'm not sure what Malanya is either; but it's living in a corpse flower too so I understand that assumption. All the weird and stupid stuff in the games is ripe with potential which has to be exploited. Hope people have more suggestions about possible misunderstandings that could/should arise. Next chapter is gonna be a pain.


	8. Confusing the Champions

**At 141 hours B.C. Daruk has been enlisted for the important task of hauling around a small teenager until they get him cleaned up and figure out what language he's speaking.**

* * *

It hadn't taken long to establish a few things about the mystery man. He'd passed out from blood loss and exhaustion for a bit so they only were able to learn a few things so far.

First detail of note was the sword and the way he clutched it in his arms. As Urbosa put it, he looked for all the world like a little kid hugging a stuffed sand-seal for comfort. When Daruk tried to take it back for Zelda's inspection, his hand went numb and Link tightened his grip on the handle and bare blade. Revali speculated that the Master Sword was just dull after all those years and made a grab for it. He lost some barbs from his wingtip.

Finally, despite Revali's objections to letting the fiend anywhere near Princess Zelda, she approached him and carefully took the sword out of Link's arms. Urbosa noticed something right away and had Zelda walk around for a bit to make sure. Link became visibly more distressed the further he was away from the sword. When it was out of his sight, he started shaking. Urbosa asked Zelda to give back the Master Sword and also hand over the scabbard they'd brought along for the Hero.

Second detail was that his name was Link. Mipha assumed so when he pointed at himself and said 'Link.' Of course it had been her that thought to politely ask about this crucial detail and establish introductions. She didn't say it out loud, but the way he was trying to follow instructions when he didn't understand their words reminded her of a puppy. Zelda found the name stuck to Link much more easily than trying to think of him as Possibly-Ganon.

Third detail they learned was that Link snored. He was draped over Daruk's shoulder like a sack of carrots and weighed pretty much nothing in Daruk's opinion. Daruk figured he was barely over five feet tall and this completely justified calling him a 'Little Guy.'

The group was going to have to figure out their story before they got to King Rhoam and, more importantly, what to do with this guy. The matter of where the giant, angry cloud of darkness went was disconcerting them all. They didn't know it, but Link was concerned about where the Malice went off to as well. Or would be when he regained consciousness.

As they were walking and debating, Daruk pulled a rock out of his bag for the road. He'd at least been looking forward to the snack. He picked up the most recognizable part of the pedestal in one hand and then looked around at the floor tiles on the road. Some gravel bits from the Temple of Time's floor caught his attention."So, uh, since they'll have to repair the floor anyway... Do you think they'd mind if I tried a bite of that marble? Just a floor tile?"

Revali had been laser focused on watching Link for any sign of Ganon-like activity. This was enough to momentarily break that concentration. Even Mipha was looking a little stunned at the idea. Zelda coughed. "...Perhaps this is not the time, Daruk."

It was not often Revali could be rendered speechless multiple times in a single day. He set his attention back on guarding Zelda but growled. "You cannot be serious. Daruk, why would you ever imagine eating part of the Master Sword's pedestal?!" The movement of Link caught his attention. He was groggily eyeing the food and Daruk heard a small growling noise.

Daruk jumped on the opportunity to change subjects back to the problem at hand. "Oh, hey. Little Guy! You're awake!"

"Ihav enoid eawh atyouar esa yingbu toka y. Doyo uhav ean ythi ngi caneat?"

"Ganon's voice is annoying. I expected an ancient demon lord to have better vocal chords but he is pathetic. Are you sure I shouldn't just put an arrow through his eyes and save us all a lot of trouble?" Revali and Zelda were in the camp of This-guy-is-totally-a-demon.

Mipha adjusted her grip on the trident, just in case Link made sudden hostile motions. She was in the camp of Link being not-a-demon. This did not excuse a lack of reasonable caution. "Revali, his name is Link and I have just finished healing him..." Daruk seemed to with Mipha on this one and took another bite of the rock as Link watched.

Urbosa tapped her foot. "There are a number of reasons to believe more is going on here. I'm certain you've noticed them too, even if you do not acknowledge them, Revali." Urbosa said. "During that fight he did not raise an arm to attack. He dodged the entire time." Revali's scoffing was cut short by Urbosa. She was not done. "Despite the fact he doesn't have glowing red eyes and a dark aura, we know this is the same person that was flattened by the pedestal. His armor is cracked where it absorbed the impact. It is a pity he doesn't seem to have a helmet, it might have helped him avoid some of the injury." Maybe this was related to the fact that an Ancient Evil Force came back after thousands of years instead of hundreds?

Link shrugged. He still had no idea what they were saying. "Ify oug ivem efoo dan darenic eto meil lkill Ganon fo ryou." They had no idea what he was saying. Everyone's stares made him shrug apologetically. Then he went back to trying to look nonthreatening while dangling off Daruk's shoulder.

Urbosa mounted her horse after making sure Zelda's was ready to go. "Link clearly has been chosen by the Sword. Once we figure out what language he is speaking, we can get a full story out of him. Before we present him to the castle, we should help get him some less conspicuous clothing and notify the King. I'd rather he know the situation and make an official announcement before the public starts any wild rumors."

Zelda spoke several languages and it was telling that she still had no idea what the guy was speaking in. She had also been agitated beyond anything they'd seen before. "Just what are we supposed to tell Father?! Can you imagine the scandal? A princess who is such a failure that she had some, some _thing_ acting as her Chosen Hero?!"

Daruk tried to reassure her. "The little guy hasn't really done anything menacing other than fighting that Yiga who was trying to kill him..."

Revali would have crossed his arms if he didn't have his bow out and an arrow nocked. As things stood he barely contained his contempt for his fellow Champion's lack of brain. "You didn't see what they were doing before I got there. It was far off but this demon looked like he was committing some kind of dark ritual." It was possible that if Revali knew the true purpose behind Link's hand motions, he would have thought it was even more asinine. Revali would not ever believe Link was just trying to correct a fashion error.

"Actu allytheb ein gnic etomei soptio nalb utiam sta rving." Link said to the group as Daruk absentmindedly offered a bit of food to him. Daruk's attention was on his friends and he wasn't paying much attention to the small Hylian.

Mipha tried to reassure Zelda, "He seems Hylian to me. He's just really dirty..."

"That is because he _crawled from the darkest depths of the earth. _Furthermore," Revali pointed to the topic of conversation, "I have never seen any Hylian do that! Not without spitting it out or breaking a tooth!" Mipha, Urbosa, and Zelda turned to see Link slowly gnawing on a piece of Daruk's rock roast.

Daruk's grin faded despite Link smiling gratefully. Link said, "Thi staste sterri ble exce ptforthes picebu ttha nksa nyway," while Revali was begging permission to just kill the thing already. Link seemed unconcerned about Revali's hatred for him.

Link refused a second piece of rock. He did, however, accept a piece of bread offered by Urbosa. That piece of bread was inhaled.

* * *

Note: I'm still not entirely happy with this chapter. I just got tired of rewriting it over and over.


	9. Boarding Vah Rudania

**We are back to 100 A.C. where Yunobo, Rhoam, and a Shrine Monk are feeling somewhat disconcerted. **

* * *

Yunobo looked at the small Hylian and realized there had been some kind of misunderstanding. This was because Link was climbing into the barrel of the cannon. Link looked very much like he'd rather be doing something else, yet he was still swinging himself into the barrel.

"Link, um, are you trying to get across? Wouldn't it be safer to let me lower the bridge?" Link looked out of the cannon barrel and didn't need much coaxing to leave the barrel. It only took a few vague shooing motions to get him on the ground. Yunobo jumped in. He put up his shield and said, "See, look goro. I'm invincible with Daruk's Protection so you shoot _me_ out, not you."

Link said, "You shoot from cannon? Not me?"

"Yes. Shoot me out of the cannon." The two teenagers discussed the plan with a lot of pictures scratched out in the rocks. Yunobo then loaded himself in with Daruk's Protection activated.

Yunobo heard a grateful and very relieved, "Thank you." Link then showed his gratitude by dropping a bomb into the chamber and blasting Yunobo across a river of lava to knock down a solid metal bridge. The fact Yunobo was fine with this says a lot about Hyrule.

* * *

Later, as they were climbing to attack Vah Rudania, Yunobo was trying to give a thorough explanation for the plan. It would be best not to have Link climbing in any more cannons. The instructions were repetitive, but Link had rapt attention in his eyes. Yunobo got the impression Link liked cannons. As he'd been rolling away from the vault back on home, he'd heard explosions without the telltale rumble of Rudania's rampage. He could put two and two together here.

When they got close enough to see the flying robots, Yunobo stopped. "Oh... Yikes... A sentry is always a nuisance, no matter where it is or how many of them there are. If one finds you, Rudania will go nuts, which will cause Death Mountain to erupt, goro." Link nodded. "Er, you know the word erupt?"

Link hesitated then said, "Mountain go boom?"

"Yeah, mountain go boom. So bad thing." Yunobo ended up explaining sentries. Then the idiom. It took a while and Yunobo was having second thoughts about this whole plan. "Maybe the best idea is for you to give me a signal to let me know when I should stop and when I can move forward. Let's hurry and decide what the signal will be, goro! Um, got any ideas?"

"What is a signal?," Link asked Yunobo.

While Yunobo was explaining what a 'signal' was for the fifth time he realized Link was not around anymore. The poor Goron activated Daruk's protection when he heard crashing and some explosions. Yunobo realized the mountain wasn't rumbling only after Link came back and said, "I found a box!"

* * *

King Rhoam looked at the Plateau where the greenery was healing nicely and peacefully from the awakening of Link. It was amazing what a few weeks without Link would do for a wilderness. He looked at the horizon. Hyrule only had the normal amount of campfire smoke again. Every now and then, Rhoam could swear he saw a bonfire large enough to keep track of Link's progress between destinations. If he was right, Link was on Death Mountain. Maybe that would satisfy the pyromaniac.

_Seriously, what else were they not telling me about Link?, _Rhoam thought once more to himself.

* * *

Link stopped to rest at the steps to the shrine monk's residence. He looked forward to this part with every single shrine and wished the monks didn't take their duties so seriously. They seemed uninterested with small talk after waiting ten-thousand years for him and it was a crying shame. Not a single one he'd met had a good sense of humor. Eventually one of them would have to have a personality. This shrine's air was infinitely preferable to the volcanic atmosphere outside and he'd been hoping to get some more fireproof weapons. A silver sword was currently a puddle of slag in the caldera as of an hour ago.

"Okay, sooo where do I start... I've got a few gaps in my knowledge of history..."

The monk didn't say anything. Link hadn't touched the glowing walls on the platform yet.

"Hey, can I ask you something? Please?" Link noticed the slightest movement from the monk's head and interpreted that as an invitation. "How did I end up being all possessed and lurching out from the underworld and all that? Am I actually the hero or did we have some divine mix-up or was it a curse or..."

**"You know, we don't actually know. When we decided to await you in the future we assumed it would be your reincarnation. We heard you died and your body was never found after banishing Ganon. Zelda cried for weeks about how it probably ate you after your sword was dropped... I don't think she ever recovered."**

That was unsatisfying. Nightmare inducing too. At least he'd been mourned but he was just gonna have to speculate on the rest. "Did you guys know me before?"

It was a long time waiting for the monk to respond. "**Not everyone who decided to serve Hylia in this capacity met you. I am among those who did not, although... I think you were a ginger.**" the monk said with the usual ethereal disembodied voice. **"Will you be finishing the trial?"** He was not an impatient man. (Or she? It's hard to tell with desiccated mummies.) It was just that the monk had been waiting to finish their duty and move on to the spirit world for a very long time.

Link knew that, but still craved social interaction in his native language and more information about himself. This was a monk that he'd managed to get to say more than just rehearsed sentences. He pressed for more, "So, can you tell me maybe about some of the guys who did? Please?"

The monk did not sigh. He did, however have a little tidbit of information to share. **"Some of the servants of Hylia were eager to be of service to you, personally. As old friends."** The monk decided not to tell Link about the trial requirements which many monks set up. Come to think of it, these shrine trials were kind of life-endingly dangerous.

Maybe Link wasn't the only millennia old person who was a little unhinged?


	10. Daruk's Deflection

**Daruk has a chat with Link, Link gets to enjoy more non-geothermal nature with friends, and there is a small flashback. **

* * *

A voice echoed through the darkness of the Divine Beast. "Hey, little guy! Are you Link? Should've known you'd be still kicking around. Oh, wait, I forgot you don't understand me..."

The little guy in question stopped in his tracks and while putting the slate on the Guidance Stone said, "I hear you, can speak little language!"

"Great! Are you here to take control of ol' Rudania back from Ganon?"

"Um, same as Vah Ruta? Control? What's control?"

If Daruk were able to properly manifest he'd be smacking his forehead. "Oh, this is gonna be a fine kettle of Keese. I'll try not to distract you too much."

"What word distract?," Link asked as he looked at the map of Rudania on the slate.

* * *

Link collapsed onto his back and chugged a fireproof elixir before his hair started to smoulder. He was tired enough that mental translation was not up to speed again.

In fact, to him Daruk sounded like he was saying something along the lines of, "Perhaps I should have. Thank you, my soul is finally off. I can not thank you so much?"

"Um, you are welcome?" Link said in response.

Daruk scratched his head sheepishly, it sounded something like, "Well, Link, this twice being you help me. Just, uh, please no dog say?"

This statement was incomprehensible to Link. "Please repeat that. What was that about a dog?"

"Forget it."

"I have amnesia already. What do dogs have to do with it?"

Daruk muttered something to himself as Link did his best stare back. The rest of what Daruk was muttering was incomprehensible to Link. Daruk wondered if he'd be able to change subjects to avoid Link remembering. He successfully diverted Link's attention with the gift of Daruk's Protection.

* * *

Link was thrilled to return to Epona. He'd also missed being able to take a deep gulp of air that was clear of volcanic fumes. He flopped backwards onto the soft grass to take in the warm orange glow of the sky above a forest. Then he drew two carrots from his inventory and compared them before handing the juicier-looking vegetable to Epona. Epona chomped it down before resuming her drink at a pond. "Well, Epona, I think that Bokoblin camp isn't gonna be bothering anyone. Looks like the stablehands took good care of you. I think the guy said you were nice to the kids but what was that about you kicking some thief?"

Epona snorted as she finished drinking her water. She stood next to her master and the grey wolf that may or may not exist. (Link wasn't sure, no one else seemed to notice it so it could be imaginary like the tree people. He just decided to roll with it and even fed the illusory wolf.) Both animals, definitely-existing and maybe-existing, looked at Link then back to the beautiful orange glow which illuminated the twilit sky.

"Yeah, okay, so maaaaayyybe my arson wasn't cured by Death Mountain after all," Link admitted to Epona as the flames licked the trees, "You gotta admit, it is getting rid of the monsters." It probably hadn't helped that Link picked up a fire rod from a Wizzrobe on the way out. It seemed like a good idea at the time since the mountains and the desert got cold at night. The fire rod was discarded in the bottom of the pond.

Epona went back to grazing as the wolf seemed to cover his eyes with a paw. That was a definite point in favor of the wolf being imaginary. Frankly the dimming red light of the fire rod was calling to Link and proving to be a greater test of willpower than anything else had been so far. He nearly dove back for it but a bark from the wolf and a bite from Epona snapped him back to reality. Maybe the wolf was a manifestation of Link's conscience?

"Is it all right if I name you Conscience?"

The wolf whined again.

"How about Scruples? Can I call you Scruples?"

The wolf glared. Link had liked 'Scruples' but ticking off the imaginary wolf seemed like a bad idea.

"All right, not Scruples. How about Fido?"

The wolf growled at Link as he set about deciding if he should visit that other lab place. It could have good info but there was the risk of being stuck translating runes again. Impa was reliable and Link liked the people of Kakariko. There was the risk of setting it on fire, but he'd make sure to get a good night's sleep before going there. Malanya or the Great Fairy might be worth chatting with for travel advice. Between the Divine Beasts remaining, Link was favoring Vah Naboris. The desert sands seemed a lot less flammable.

Link wondered about where he got the name 'Fido' from and why Daruk had been talking about dogs earlier.

* * *

_Back a few days before the Calamity wiped out the castle, a Sheikah kid wandered around the tents of the archaeology site. This was one of the bigger ones and everyone had just started to calm down after the giant black explosion earlier. It must have been big if they could see it from this far off. Since everyone was not being eaten by monsters, the kid decided the Champions must've won. He had more pressing concerns at the moment. The adults were not being helpful since many of them were all gathered around Revali to ask for news. Normally, this kid would be right there to ask Revali for a signature, but his dog was missing._

_His voice was starting to get a little hoarse after all the yelling. He was on the verge of just breaking down and crying. "Fidoooooooo! Where are you!?" He looked around when he heard some noise but didn't see his dog. Just some blond guy wearing ancient tech parts like they were clothing. Was he a new researcher? "You're not Fido!"_

_"I'm Link?"_

_The kid sniffled. "I need to find Fido. He's a black and white dog!" The adult in weird clothes stood there awkwardly. "I'm going back to looking now so..." The kid decided to ignore the guy wearing the sword and went back to business. "FIDOOOOO!"_

_Link said, "Fido?"_

_"That's his name. FIDOOOOO!"_

_"Fidoooo?!"_

_"FIDOOO!"_

_"Um, ye ahsu rem ighta swelltr ythis FIDOOOOOOO?!"_

_"Fidooooo!"_

_The two kept yelling back and forth for a bit as Link followed the kid. When a bark was heard, the kid sprinted and yelled, one more time, "Fido!" This time it was a happy shout. _

_Link followed and said, "Fido?!" Then he perked up when he saw the dog being embraced by the kid. "Heyis tha twh atyo uw ered oin g? Looki ngf oryo urpup py?"_

_Link happily gave the dog hugs too; Dog hugging was a good way to stave off imminent mental collapse. He currently suspected he'd either landed in a parallel world or traveled back in time somehow. He didn't know he'd traveled forwards through time at the rate of one second per second. Suspicion stalked at the edge of his thoughts like a Wallmaster._

_Something else caught his eye. "_Daruk_?" Link stared._

_The dog had been in front of a small dead end and the Goron champion was standing stiffly. His demeanor was markedly different from his behavior fifteen minutes ago. He didn't have the relaxed stance like he did when helping Mipha teach Link some basic words. The kid didn't notice but when the dog yipped, Daruk stepped backwards. Link watched the kid leave before turning to Daruk._

_So far Link's vocabulary consisted of a very few simple words and commands to follow. Add in the names of the Champions, and Link's vocabulary was solidly in the low double-digit range. Urbosa, Mipha, and Daruk made sure he knew how to say, 'yes,' the word 'no,' the essential phrase 'where is the toilet,' and how to thank people. He didn't know if he could add 'Fido' to his vocabulary as he wasn't sure if it was just the dog's name._

_Link made a bold attempt at communication with the guy who was nice to him. __"Hi, good? Fido? __Arey ous eri ouslyspoo kedb ydog swheny ouwe rec heerful l ypitchin gpede stalsat m ethismor ning?"__"_

_"Well at least I know you won't tell anyone about this..." Daruk realized something, "Wait, who was supposed to be keeping track of you?" _

_Link gave him a blank look but Daruk heard Revali in the camp. It was the faint sound of Revali yelling something that sounded suspiciously like, "Where is the idiotic _thing_ and where is Daruk?"_

* * *

Notes: I realized something: No way would Urbosa or the other Champions have trusted Link to act as Zelda's bodyguard so events might diverge even further from canon. At least I can always say that I can't do anything sillier than what Nintendoes do already. I liked this better than last chapter at least. Also FCL I forgot about how darn creepy the Wizzrobes are without their robes. My favorite Wizzrobe was the Wind Waker ones but I think the boss from Cadence of Hyrule is now my favorite.


	11. The Hero of Crime

**100 A.C. : Link's sightseeing schedule includes the Gerudo Desert. His attempts to gather information are less than fruitful.**

* * *

His entrance onto the scene had been unusual. She and her fellow guard watched an erratically moving speck on the hazy horizon. It seemed to jump up and down a lot while flapping around like a fledgling learning to fly. It was only as he got closer that the two guards realized he was shield-surfing every downhill surface available with no sand seal. He kept furling and unfurling a paraglider as he did so. Downhill surfaces did not seem to be the only ones being used, the approaching nuisance seemed to be trying to surf uphill with limited success and unlimited failure.

Dorrah didn't often encounter a voe as genuinely clueless as this short blond guy. She was starting to get quite irritated and, had he just been some idiot feigning ignorance, would have been tied up to the wall for a while as an example. He was a genuinely ignorant idiot. (Also she was reminded somewhat of a lost sand seal pup. It was probably the eyes. That weakened her resolve to just kick the guy aside.)

This was worse than some creeper. Link wanted to _learn_. She was having to not only explain the finer nuances of syntax, she could not get the point across that no men were allowed. Link was still not familiar with the Gerudo accent and the compound effect of subtle cultural traditions combined with linguistics had become a nightmare. They didn't cover this level of stubborn combined with ignorance in guard training.

"NO! You are a voe. No voe are allowed in to the town. Vai only."

"What? I'm friend. Not a foe."

"Look, not foe, voe. It's a 'v' sound, not an 'f' sound. Voe is the Gerudo word for a man. You are a voe! Vai only. Vai is the word for a woman, female, or girl."

"Can I ask few fast question without leaving where you see?"

"No. No men allowed." If she had more visitors like this, Dorrah was going to be demanding a pay raise. She saw Link crane his neck to peer past her a bit and he narrowed his eyes.

"Gorons go in?"

"Yes, Gorons go in."

"But not me?"

"YES. You do not go in. Shoo. Get lost."_ I haven't had this much trouble intimidating a guy since the Sand Seal stampede of 96 A.C., _thought Dorrah. She breathed a sigh of relief when Link finally left. It took him a long time to leave, what with trying to jump on and off his shield every five seconds. She hoped she had seen the last of him, or at least that he'd bother a different pair of guards for the time being.

She had a fairly uneventful shift for all of about seven minutes. A rounded figure stomped around the corner of the wall, then through the sand towards, waved, and stopped to chat. The brown and grey Flamebreaker armor concealed most of Link's diminutive figure but did not conceal his height.

"I am a Goron. Can I go in?"

What Dorrah and her fellow guard could not see was the large grey wolf sitting next the the wall. He was facing the wall and slowly, repeatedly smacking his forehead against the bricks.

* * *

'Vilia' liked to people watch and had seen the odd blond guy on his way to Gerudo Town. It was difficult to miss the guy. After Link let his horse free to get water, he'd proceeded to drag around a box with him as he talked to the people of the bazaar. The usual hum of voices took on a more confused tone as Link had made his rounds trying to gather information. Link's strategy seemed to be as follows:

-Drag box to person.

-Position self on top of box.

-Ask "How do I get to Vah Naboris?"

-Ask a lot more random questions.

-Drag box off to next person.

Link left the horse at the oasis after paying the inn to take care of her. Link then left for the road and opted to flap around with a shield and a paraglider across the sands.

The next day, Vilia saw the erratic movement of Link on the horizon and made the decision to make himself scarce. If Link found out 'Vilia' was actually Victor he didn't seem like the kind of person who could keep a secret. Vilia had a good thing going and the Gerudo Guards might stop looking the other way if troublemakers adopted the cross-dressing stratagem.

* * *

Link felt like he'd missed something obvious when trying to figure out how to get into Gerudo town. After the failure of the FlameBreaker armor to fool the guards, he decided to try visiting the Akkala Tech Lab. He had to go the long way since the place was unmapped at the present time. He could have teleported in closer. Link simply wanted to spend more time with Epona. He planned to leave Epona at a stable when he teleported back to the desert but for now he had a chance to enjoy the scenery.

After many more naming fiascoes, the wolf seemed to accept that he was going to be called Scruples. It was one of the least heinous monikers the current Link came up with. The Hero of Twilight supposed it would be weird for Link to call him Link. Calling the wolf 'It' was similarly bound to wreak havoc on the pronouns. In fact, the wolf had started calling Link the Hero of Crime in his head. It didn't quite fit as Link had been trying really hard to not cause trouble. Slightly More Ancient Link felt somewhat justified in calling Slightly More Modern Link by this title since he was being called Scruples.

The Hero of Twilight lay down on the grass outside the lab as the Hero of Crime walked in without bothering to knock.


	12. Ancient Sheikah Tech Support

**The Akkala Tech Lab brings a flashback from Robbie's perspective as they have a pleasant chat.**

* * *

Of all the things Link expected in a lighthouse, it wasn't this machine. Getting the flame for it seemed like a small price to pay for answers. Robbie and Jerrin had done their best to study ancient languages. Link appreciated the effort they put in to it because he was able to have simple conversation with someone who wasn't crumbling to dust or asking for money. It was a nice change to be the fluent person.

"You want tea?" Robbie asked Link.

Jerrin was smiling ear to ear and had a stack of papers. "We have studied. Sorry if we don't sound good. Speaking is different than reading."

"Oh yes, please, and seriously, don't worry about it," Link happily accepted the gift; Robbie and his wife were added to the list of people who met his friendship criteria. (They were nice to him and gave him food.) Robbie set some cups down and filled them with tea as Jerrin spread out her notes.

"Thank you for Cherry fix," Robbie said as Jerrin's smile faltered for a millisecond. Link assumed he imagined the slight movement. "I remember meeting you, that was um," Robbie muttered a few words under his breath as he tried to recall the word he was looking for, "...You were interesting."

"I have so many questions and you actually met me? How on earth did I end up in the Shrine of Resurrection? How did things go with the King? How did you find out what language I was speaking?"

"The language easy was. You were doing this," Robbie held a hand out palm up and with the other mimed writing, "Impa gave you a pen and parchment. At first we didn't believe it was ancient script..." Link nodded. That would make sense. He wouldn't have believed it either. "It was when you saw the dig site that we got worried."

* * *

**The setting for the flashback is some odd hours B.C., just past the campsite and at the dig site. The Sheikah team has been repairing Guardians as they dig them up.**

* * *

Impa quietly pulled Zelda aside along with the other Champions except for Revali. Revali was left on Link-watching duty. Zelda took a quick picture of Link for consultation after some fumbling with the Sheikah Slate. (Link said, "Hav eyo utr ied turnin gitoffa ndo nag ain?") Impa needed to know about what happened before she reported to the king. She'd spotted Link as he was walking by and yelling for Fido.

It was fortunate for Daruk that Impa was much more discreet than others such as Purah. Purah would have been relentless with the teasing. Revali groaned to himself as Purah and Robbie joined him to meet this new guy who was rapidly scribbling along in the old language that so far had only been found inscribed on archaeological finds.

Robbie would have liked someone other than Revali here when he was trying to extract information out of people. He couldn't get anything out of the Rito other than insults against Link. Revali was definitely hostile to this enigmatic Hylian.

"Okay, what did he write now? Death threats against all of Hyrule?"

Purah folded her arms after scribbling a few words down that made Link grin. She was barely containing her excitement at having this new subject to study. Link glanced up from time to time as he wrote and the Sheikah researchers tried to read. "Revali, what is your problem with this guy? He can't be all that bad if the Master Sword picked him. Come to think of it... where did you find Link?"

"Well, you'll just have to ask Zelda. Personally, if you ask me, I think it was just that the pedestal fell apart and the Master Sword is seeeaariosly mistaken." Revali had caught himself just in time before spilling the beans. Zelda trusted these researchers but there might be eavesdroppers. His theory that the Master Sword was sealing this guy's demonic aura made sense to him even if the others disagreed with it. He covered up for his near-slip with something that was probably not a lie. "Zelda wants to tell you herself."

Robbie raised an eyebrow of disbelief before going back to reading. "Amazing! This is a bit different from what you see on the machines, shrines, and temples but is undeniably the ancient language!. Informal language is different from technical writing. How on earth did he learn this language without even knowing the basic language of Hyrule?" Link moved along to a nearby lamp to keep going despite the fading evening light. He looked up from the notepad and did not react at first. "This form of the language has not been a living language for a least a few thousand years."

Link looked up and thoughtfully tapped his pencil against his chin. He tilted his head as he stared at the dig. His smile dropped. "Th atsh rin elooksl iketh eo neswe sta rtedbui ldin g..."

* * *

Revali wasn't sure what triggered it.

One moment he, Purah, and Revali were staring at Link's writing, then the next, Link was leaning against a crate and sobbing. He was being far more talkative than he had ever been but there was no hope given the language and the sniffling. It was undeniably pitiful watching even the possible-demon in this state. Revali kept his bow out and glared unsympathetically.

"Um, what? Look, if you are trying to get us to let our guard down, it's not going to work on me," Revali said.

He watched Purah and Robbie trying to comfort the guy until he couldn't stand it any longer. _We should really have just shot this demon through the head. _Revali had revised his earlier opinion that Link was definitely a demon and accepted that he was probably a servant of Ganon's or possessed.

It was still absolute fact that this 'Link' was a problematic Calamity of a person who was a total idiot.

Revali heard Purah addressing him as he was praying to Hylia for patience.

"Hey, Revali, can you step over here for a minute?"

Revali muttered and did as Purah asked. He really didn't want to be closer to the weeping Link. He was caught off guard when he felt a gentle tug on his Champion's Cloth. He looked down and screeched in outrage. Link looked up from the impromptu handkerchief which Purah had handed him and a look of horror replaced his distress. He froze with the blue cloth in his hands and released the scarf.

"PURAH! _Why_ did you give_ my_ Champion's Cloth to this puerile _fiend_ as a _handkerchief?_!"

Purah shrugged unrepentantly as Robbie decided to take cover.

* * *

Back in 100 A.C. Link's tea had long since cooled and Link hung off every word. Robbie and Link had been switching back and forth between languages to try and get all the details through.

"...Yeah, at the dig next day you took one look at an activated Guardian and said, 'Please tell me you revealed the enti Malicewore,' at least that is what it sounded like." Robbie said.

Link listened to this statement and then smacked his forehead. "You mean I said 'Please tell me you renewed the anti-Maliceware?'"

"What is Antimalaceware?"

Link gave a deep sigh and buried his face in his hands.


	13. Kass' Major Test of Patience

**Today's schedule includes half of a flashback, Kass enduring through a Major Test of Patience, and maybe some progress on getting into Gerudo town.**

* * *

Link really hated to leave somewhere this nice, but he'd had a good night sleep and obtained a lot more information about what transpired a hundred years ago. The food had been divine and he decided to leave before he slipped and set something on fire that wasn't supposed to be burning. Link was also worried Scruples and Epona might be lonely.

Jerrin had an interesting tidbit of information to impart over the porridge that morning. "Did you visit the Ash Swamp just south of Kakariko? Right by the Dueling Peaks?" She was motivated by a mix of morbid curiosity and the sense that there might be something he remembered in there. It was not every day when a person fought to the death against an army of machines.

Link asked for clarification, "Was that place with all the broken Guardians?" When Jerrin and Robbie nodded, he said, "No I didn't. That area gave me a bad feeling and with all the Guardians, I thought one might still be active. It seemed like a place to avoid." It gave him the heebie-jeebies and the collywobbles.

"That is where we found you near death. It was before we went to the Shrine of Resurrection," said Robbie. "It was where Urbosa died too..." Robbie decided that he didn't want to explain and re-explain that Link would have been flat out ignored if the Princess Zelda had seen any hope of Urbosa being revived by the Shrine of Resurrection. Divine knowledge would not have stood a chance against that hope. "Urbosa was taken by her people. For a funeral."

Curiosity and self-preservation were having a brief battle in Link's head. The skirmish had a clear victor when Link wondered if Urbosa would be haunting the place like the other Champions haunted their places of death. She might be able to help him get onto Vah Naboris or, at the very least, into Gerudo Town.

Link was starting to head to the door when Robbie stopped him. "Wait, we have something else for you," he said as he pulled out a box. It had a solid rattle to it and within Link saw some of the designs like those of his Sheikah Slate.

Robbie grinned and held out the box. "We spent ages fixing your old armor. It taught us a lot about the old technology. It is time we returned it to its owner."

Link felt deep nostalgia as he pulled out his old armor. It looked in better condition than ever before. Link admired the custom-made greaves and cuirass which Zelda, his friend Zelda, had made for him so many years ago. He remembered a voice speaking to him. _The legends speak of the spirit of the Hero being reborn at the same time as the Princess of Destiny... I don't want to rely on that legend so, please, wear this armor. We spent ages on it and the Master Cycle. Now, shall we join our friends? They are pretty exited about piloting their new toys._

The moment was ruined by Robbie. "If you want a helmet for it, bring us the materials! We kind of need funding for our research sooooo... It'll be two-thousand rupees. I can get started right now."

Jerrin said, "Robbie, Ico ulds trang leyou."

* * *

Kass happily took in the view from the stable roof as he planned his trip home. His daughters were the only thing on his mind until he heard the screeching.

Now, to call it screeching does not do the Din-forsaken din justice. Kass had been teaching children music for years and the only thing keeping him from swooping down off the Gerudo Tower and smiting the unholy racket-maker was the patience all music teachers learn lest they gouge out their own ears. Kass would have seriously considered the ear-gouging method if other resorts failed to stop this noise.

It was no mere amateur tone-deafness: This singing was a violation of all the laws of music on a fundamental level which should have been understood by anything possessing ears. If Revali had manifested to Kass and proclaimed Link a demon, Kass would have believed him right away and without question. Kass would have wholeheartedly supplied pitchforks and torches to rid the world of a demon with this awful of vocal chords. It was incomprehensible how a guy capable of carrying a tune when humming could sing like that.

The other interesting thing about this singing was how many historians would have killed to obtain the lyrics from it. Anthropologists would have swooned, provided they would not have been bothered by this assault on tonality. Kass was in no position to record the words for posterity and can be forgiven in light of the verbal torture.

Kass adopted the strategy of playing his accordion loudly. It was the standard way to deal with Link now since Link fell silent when listening to the cheerful melodies. This had been an accidental discovery about two near-Link experiences ago. He'd said many prayers of gratitude to the Goddesses for that particular miracle.

As Kass suspected, Link was approaching him and Kass ended up answering a request for information about the swamp with a song.

Seeing as Kass would write decent song lyrics, I won't even try my hand at the poetry. Just know it was a really touching and sad ballad about the bodyguards defending the Princess with their lives, Zelda annihilating things, Link being taken to be healed in the Shrine since the Sword that Seals the Darkness said so, Urbosa's pieces being taken to the desert for an honorable burial. That sort of thing. After he finished the song, Link stood up, looked towards the swamp, thanked Kass, and rode on forwards. Kass would have flown home had there not been a thunderstorm that rolled in.

Link returned the next day. Link looked pretty depressed and stopped to see the local dog before bothering Kass. "Ireal ly sho uldh a vebo ughttha thel met. Ofco urse ma ybehe dkno wwhe re. Kass, please say where Urbosa's grave?"

"That, I cannot say for certain as I've never been there myself. I hear that she was brought to join the Seven Heroines..."

* * *

Notes: This was originally part of the previous chapter, but it felt better split up. In the end I decided not to use an engrish generator for Robbie and Jerrin here. I might go back and fix that previous dialogue for them. Your reviews are all lovely by the way. I forgot to have Link react to people calling him Ganon in the past, and that Twilight Princess has so much larceny and property destruction. Stealing from his hometown, blowing up a bomb shop, destroying walls in a mansion... Also fixed some dialogue in this chapter.


	14. Finding the Helm

**Link follows some directions to try and find Urbosa's resting place. He doesn't encounter the occult as much as a cult that wants him dead.**

* * *

Link had tried to eavesdrop at the bazaar to find out where people went to pay respects to Urbosa. Then, with no small amount of optimism, he set out across the sand.

There was a Yiga on the road out traveling to either collect information, or collect Link's head. She'd heard Link had been by recently. It was hard not to hear about that given how much confusion he spread about the place. Kilton was less conspicuous than Link. When this particular Yiga was traveling, they realized Link had given up on all pretense of normality. Exhibit A was the outlandish outfit he was wearing. The knight helmet didn't match the strange shirt or trousers with glowing plates.

Now, you might ask why the Yiga knew it was Link even from a distance. It was the trying to surf uphill that gave Link away. Link spotted the traveler from a distance and changed course slightly to head towards this Yiga. Ms. Yiga, in her mind, ran through different witty things to say before killing him. Mostly, the chaotic thought processes in her head were similar to a soloist with stage fright. Some coherent thought did go through this particular Yiga's head after a moment.

_Ohmygoshhe'scoming! Oh, I know, I'll say 'I'll return you to the ground from whence you crawled,' or 'Die again, idiotface!' Oh, what am I thinking, that isn't a proper line for a good assassination. I know, I'll ask him if he's tired of fighting and offer to fix that or..._

These thoughts were interrupted by a cheerful, "Hi!" After that greeting, Link started to walk past the person.

The flustered Yiga flubbed her line. "Hey, you heard a ghost story?" She immediately was kicking herself even before Link raised an eyebrow.

"Ghost story?"

"Yeah, wanna hear a ghost story? It's about, ummm..." She kicked herself for yet another line being utterly butchered.

"I know there's ghosts about me. They're helping!"

The Yiga momentarily forgot where she was going. "...Come again?"

Link was being completely sincere. He was wondering how she knew this. "I have ghosts! How did you know?"

"Are you trying to freak me out? It isn't going to work, um, I'll tell you a ghost story! You!" The Yiga groaned to herself as Link tilted his head again. "Wait, that didn't sound right. I'm going to just kill you now, and tell everyone I said something cool."" She adopted the ninja attack pose and transformed. Link nodded to no one in particular, at least, not anyone the Yiga could see.

Link didn't take his hands off his hips but watched as an invisible force latched onto the Yiga's leg. She screamed as she felt teeth digging into her ankle. She kicked back before the unseen assailant dragged her backwards. She tried to stand but a four legged furry thing slammed onto her back and pinned her.

"I told you, ghosts helping."

She escaped in a puff of smoke with the feeling that maybe, just maybe, they should consider packing up and moving to another country.

* * *

Link, and Link, looked at the hanging flags above them and knew they had messed up with the directions. North and South had not changed much in the verbal lexicon even after thousands of years. It could have been they flat out misheard when eavesdropping. It was equally likely that a malicious party had deliberately pointed them in the wrong direction earlier. It was a disappointment after having used up nearly all their cooling and warming foods to get here. Link had tied the ice rod to the other Link's back and thanked Farore he didn't have Epona. The grassland was a much better place to be a horse.

Link turned to the wolf. "I guess we should just leave. Picking a fight with the Yiga is just asking for it, huh Scruples?"

The wolf nodded in agreement and both Links turned to look elsewhere and find the tower for a proper region map. They walked in silence while scanning the horizon. Both of them stopped in their tracks and looked at each other. Link could not read minds but somehow, the Link wearing armor and the wolf knew they were thinking the same thing.

"Ya know... It has been a while since I set something on fire..."

The wolf smirked.

* * *

Barta pretended she wasn't working on the bars the moment she heard someone coming. She was surprised to see, not red and black, but the dark grey of Sheikah clothes on a Hylian. She motioned him over and hissed, "Hey, what are you doing here? This is the hideout of those Yiga thieves who stole the Thunder Helm." It would not do to have more people get caught. One stupid idiot getting captured by Yiga was more than enough for one week. Also, the cell was pretty tiny. "If they spot you, they'll call their friends for sure. There's no way you can take them all on. If only there were some way of distracting them... but I don't know how."

The Hylian raised a hand and whispered, "What 'distracting' mean?" He pulled out a scythe and handed it to her with the handle-first.

"Um, huh? You know, keeping their attention off you. Not being seen? I don't know, I'm not a stealthy person!"

"What does 'stealthy' mean? Sorry, I am not good with language." Barta realized this might be part of why the Hylian ended up here. She waited for a while after he snuck off to give him a chance to get out before she dismantled the bars and left too. Once she was out, she ran for home and didn't look back until she wrangled a seal.

As she was surfing with the seal, the scent of smoke got her attention. She turned around and saw a column of black wafting up from the canyon she'd left behind.

A smile spread across her face until she remembered the Thunder Helm was still in there somewhere.

* * *

Link was humming as he pushed open the secret door with Magnesis. Now he didn't have to backtrack to escape before setting off the fire and bomb arrow heads that he'd strategically placed through the hideout. The two rune bombs were tucked in their corners and ready to start the chaos. He'd even set it so the one set an initial warning blast with lots of smoke. The warning would be necessary before the second bomb gutted the main hall with a beautiful conflagration. The wolf's tail was wagging.

"Hey! Who the heck are you!" Link's mind stopped translating momentarily as he was thinking of strategy at the moment. This was a minor setback. Kohga goggled at the Sheikah Slate that Link had a finger poised over. Link's attention was grabbed by Kohga pointing at him and declaring, "IT'S YOU!" This startled Link enough to press the trigger for the first bomb. The stone walls muffled the sound and the smoke would take a little bit of time to reach this doorway.

"You're that Link guy! You impersonated Lord Ganon all those years ago!"

Link was counting to two-hundred before pressing the second trigger. "Impersonated?"

"You had the utter gall to deceive us and take advantage of a poor, innocent, assassin who gave your their potion!"

Link said, "Sorry, I don't know those words," but Kohga wasn't listening. He was monologuing.

"What luck! my scouts are out in the field looking high and low, but you just wander in to my hideout!"

"Could you please say that again?"

"Oh, excuse me. I haven't introduced myself yet. I am the leader of the Yiga Clan!" Link and the wolf both stared at Kohga finishing the introduction dance. Link tapped the slate to activate the second bomb rune. It didn't make the properly loud kaboom that it should have since the walls muffled it, but there was a quiet 'kawhoooom' and an outpouring of smoke.

Kohga did notice that. "... the only! MASTER KOHGA! Now pre-whatisthatHEY! What's that smoke from? Did you do that? YOU JERK!"

The wolf didn't even bother moving from his spot for this battle. He felt sorry for this Yiga until he remembered what Link's diary said about Dorian. That let him sit back and watch the short entertainment. After the battle was complete, he and Link had no clue what the strange helmet was for. It felt important and so was put in the inventory.

* * *

Below is the text of a letter sent two days after Link left Epona at the stable for this trip. The handwriting in places is smudged and the letters tend to run together in spots. If you looked at it, you would get the impression of an excited writer who couldn't even wait for the ink to dry before folding it up to mail out.

_Dear Dmitri,_

_You are not going to believe this. I know you have worked with horses for a long time, as have I, but this is unprecedented in the history of horses. I think that strange foreigner, Link, has the smartest horse in the world. WE NEED TO HIRE THIS GUY._

_So Beedle left a cooking pot unattended last night and the stand for it broke and sent it crashing down. The embers got all scattered and no one noticed right away but the flames started to spread towards where the horses were. It was chaotic while some people were calming the horses that got spooked and some guys were trying to keep the flames away from the tent._

_I kid you not, Epona doesn't even blink. (That's Link's horse, in case you haven't met her.) She goes right up to the fire and starts kicking dirt on it. The fire didn't bother her one little bit and she knew exactly how to put it out._

_I have NEVER seen anything like it before. I hardly believe it, and I saw the whole thing. Beedle swears this horse understands everything people say better than Link does. __Anyways, Goddesses willing, I'll get Link's training secrets._

_Rudi_

He was wrong about Epona understanding conversation better than Link, but not by much.

* * *

Notes: Someone drew a picture of this story and wow it is amazing. Should I be worried talented people like whoever cascadefreewill is on Tumblr drew this?


	15. Molduga Are Not Good Pets

**We check in on Zelda and Ganon for a bit. Link finally gets to see Urbosa again.**

* * *

Zelda had become profoundly bored after a while waiting for a way to break the stalemate. The power of Nayru whispered in her ear saying Link was the key to victory. At one point she wondered if just letting the guy die and be reincarnated would have been a better plan than relying on an untested shrine. After a few decades of waiting, she realized there wasn't really anyone else who could take on the Malice.

Other people had tried. Not many. People came by for lost treasures too. She always cheered up a bit when people managed to escape with their life intact. She didn't begrudge people taking some stuff unless they were really disrespectful, Yiga, or other things like that. King Rhoam haunting his way out of there with the Book of Mudora was a particularly high point in her imprisonment. Zelda's hopes soared when Link finally woke up. There were some disadvantages to being able to scry on Link at any time. Boredom kept her watching the walking disaster-source known as Link despite the embarrassment she felt on his behalf. She had a number of complaints over the more destructive moments too. It had been one-hundred years. If someone else was going to free the Divine Beasts and get in here to slay Ganon, it would have happened long ago.

Ganon roared in anger as Link survived yet another battle. He couldn't see anywhere he wanted like Zelda; he had to rely on minions and the orange-eyes of malice goop. He hated losing more eyes to the persistent hero of antiquity.

Zelda rolled her eyes. "You shut up."

Ganon screeched eldritch curses at Zelda who snorted.

"Well maybe you should have done something other than try and destroy everyone? You aren't getting any sympathy here, monster."

Snarling rattled the foundations of the mighty fortress that fell to darkness a century ago.

"Weak? Hah. He kept you at bay for thousands of years without the Master Sword! Why-Oh no Link, don't do tha-nononononnonoooooo _don't pet that Molduga_!" Zelda, not for the first time, thanked Din for Mipha.

* * *

The East Gerudo Ruins stood proudly despite the long years of wear from the wind and sandstorms. They had survived earthquakes too. The Calamity? Didn't do much either. Mostly because Ganon didn't really care about these statues. Of course, Link, then Zelda imprisoning the mass of hatred incarnate did put something of a damper on the destruction. Heck, they'd even survived the most dangerous threat for any artifact of ancient times: Tourists.

Anyways. Urbosa would have felt herself lucky compared to the rest of the Champions if she knew they were still haunting their final resting places waiting to see the Blights die. She didn't try manifesting much these days. The Gerudo people through the years would come here on a pilgrimage to pay respects to her and their other ancestors. Urbosa at certain festival times would chat with so-and-so's great aunt whatsherface while watching the festivities with pride. Most of the ancestors had finished their earthly business and left with no regrets. They'd check in when called upon by Thunder Helm users and similar ceremonies. Sometimes a long dead sister would come back to figuratively roll in her grave if a descendant was being particularly stupid. Urbosa lent a sympathetic ear to one such sister many times.

Urbosa couldn't go join them. Not when her Little Bird was still in danger. There was no way she could go tell her old friend that Zelda was trapped. Urbosa still felt like she could do something. It irked her no end that a Yiga tried to spread a rumor she let Vah Naboris run wild. Luckily, no Gerudo believed a word of it. It would be nice if people could see her. Little did she know that last problem was soon going to have a solution.

These statues would probably survive Link. As long as Link wasn't there to tourist, they'd be still standing by the end of the week.

Maybe.

Link arrived on the scene and made a beeline for the statues. The wolf nodded at Link and took up guard at the entrance. Urbosa might not have recognized Link at this distance had it not been for his distinctive armor and blond hair. She manifested herself a little closer to see how he was faring.

"Well, if it isn't the little voe. Took your time getting here, didn't you..."

Link turned around trying to find the speaker. "Who said that?"

Urbosa was a little surprised but given that it was Link it figured he would be able to see spirits. "Oh? Finally, someone to talk to. Link, I see the Sheikah were able to save you." Finally.

"...Urbosa? Hi! I come find you! I got better except for amnesia. I only got back some memories. I need to go on Vah Naboris, can you help?"

"My people could help you if they have the Thunder Helm back. Pity only vai are allowed in... I might have a solution for you. Will you tell them to stop apologizing to me about that theft? It wasn't their fault it got stolen."

Link pulled out his notes. He knew he'd figured out the word 'fault' earlier and it was at the tip of his tongue. That and 'pity.' For now, Link asked, "Could you repeat? So I get words right?" Urbosa said the words more slowly the second time. After the message was duly noted, Link returned to the object mentioned. He asked, "What Thunder Helm? Stolen by Yiga?"

Urbosa tried to explain what it looked like to Link with hand motions, "Yes. It covers part of the face and has six blue circles on the front. It has this circular thing in the back..." as she was explaining, Link suddenly began checking his inventory. He pulled out the Thunder Helm and Urbosa laughed. "I should have known. You are going to save the Princess Zelda, are you not?"

Link did not need that question repeated. "Yes."

"Your prowess on the battlefield when defending Zelda was most impressive." Urbosa had not seen anyone with that much skill before; Link put even her swordplay to shame. He slew more monsters in the course of a single night than she'd fought in a lifetime. What had impressed her more than the slaughter was Link's drive to sacrifice himself for people who he didn't know and who had not been the friendliest of a welcoming committee. She really wanted to talk more but she was starting to fade from manifesting. She needed to finish now and didn't have time for the inevitable questions about past and future tenses. "I shall join Daruk and Mipha in assisting you. Please accept this gift, which has come to be known as Urbosa's Fury."

The thundersnap triggered a lost memory for Link to contemplate that night.

* * *

Note: I'm going to be busy with real life for the next couple weeks so posts might not be so frequent. It's going to be more like once a week vs twice a week.


	16. An Unconventional Séance

**We look back before the Calamity where most people are trying to get some sleep. We then check on 100 A.C. and see how much fun it can be trying to communicate with people who only appear when you are doing oddly specific actions.**

* * *

_Link remained functional long enough to change clothes at the behest of Robbie and Daruk. Urbosa's suspicions were confirmed after Link had washed off and changed clothes. He was handsome. Zelda and Mipha both had a moment where their breath stopped before they looked away. Urbosa noticed. The Champions and Zelda were offered a few cots by the Sheikah so they could get some rest._

_Of the two cabins they'd been given, they put Link in the one with a single entrance to watch. Revali and Mipha were on Link-watching duty at the moment. It wasn't too eventful and neither person was sure what to do about Link. They both awkwardly watched the figure on the cot which had decided to huddle under the blankets. There was the occasional sniffle from Link and a miserable aura prevailed in the cabin they'd selected._

_Mipha's turn had come. Revali stuck around to back her up in case of an emergency instead of heading to bed. She leaned her spear on her shoulder as she looked at Link._

_"Link? Do you want to talk?"_

_"Ifyo ufin dtheancie ntevil I nee dt oslayI mgo nnane edam inuteit sbee nalo ngday."_

_Mipha quietly turned to Revali and asked, "What did you do? He was more cheerful when we were trying to kill him."_

_"I didn't do anything. It just started crying after it had been writing stuff. Ask Purah and Robbie, they were the ones who were writing back." Revali folded his arms. "Maybe he's having a crisis of conscience or something?"_

_"I don't think he's Ganon. There's the Sword and he just doesn't seem evil." They could have kept talking all night if there weren't people that might be awakened by the noise. There wasn't much they could say about Link that hadn't already been said. "Maybe we could get a luminous stone nightlight in here?_

_"Good idea. It will be much easier to see any suspicious behavior."_

_"It might help with that, too. My little brother sleeps much better with the one I carved for him." Revali opened, then closed his beak. Anyone else would have been chewed out. Mipha was way too kind sometimes. Both assumed combat positions when they heard a sound outside._

_Both relaxed when they saw it was Urbosa. "Vasaaq. Zelda should be waking up soon and the researchers are almost done loading the pack horse with what marble they could find. Is there anything to report here?" There were missing chunks of flooring even after the search. _

_Revali shrugged, "No, it's just been like this our entire shift. Was it the same for you and Daruk?"_

_Urbosa nodded and regarded the miserable pile of blankets with blond hair and a purple hilt sticking out of it. Only those who knew Urbosa well would recognize the thoughtful look in her eyes. "Mipha, I'm guessing that you've tried helping Link?"_

_"I have."_

_Revali said, "This is a shameless ploy to gain sympathy if you ask me."_

_Urbosa held a hand to her chin in a thoughtful way. She left and returned minutes later with a bowl of leftover soup. "Link? You missed dinner earlier." She set the food down next to the cot then took a seat on the bed on the other side of the cabin. The scent of pumpkin wafted._

_It wasn't long before Link ate the soup and the atmosphere got marginally less depressing. After waiting for a while, Urbosa got out a pencil and some paper and scribbled on it. After some more waiting, she had Link drawing... something. Even Revali was trying to get a closer look. It was a step up above children's drawings. Link had settled on some glorified stick figures._

_The first picture seemed to be Link with the Master Sword and five other people. It looked like his armor and he said his name while pointing to it. One had wings, the other was probably supposed to be a Goron. It was hard to tell about the rest. There were doodles that looked like the Divine Beasts._

_The second picture had a giant black evil-looking pig-shaped scribble on one side. The doodled Link and one of the long-haired people were on the other side with the Beasts. The Divine Beast sketches were firing lasers at Ganon. The lines seemed like lasers._

_The third picture had the sword on the ground next to the long-haired person. It looked like Ganon had Link grasped in a claw and was eating him. (Or Link was climbing a really weird tree.)_

_The last picture had little caricatures of what looked like the Champions and Zelda. The Zelda stick figure looked a lot like the long-haired stick person on the previous pictures. The doodle that vaguely looked like Daruk appeared to be throwing something. What looked like Link was on the other side and floating in the middle between them was a blob with the sword sticking out of it. Some small lines behind the boulder sketch indicated movement. It was easy to tell what that was depicting._

_Before hitting the road the next day, Zelda 'accidentally' dropped the last picture on a fire before Purah could get a closer look. She really didn't want her father to find out they'd nearly killed the person with the Master Sword by chucking a piece of floor at him._

* * *

Link had, in the time after meeting Urbosa's spirit, come up with a plan to see if she knew about the location of the Master Sword. It was like the manner in which he'd asked Daruk if he knew where to find the sword. This was a less hazardous plan than the one for talking to Daruk. Link was waiting for Mipha and had spent the entirety of his saving-for-a-matching-helmet fund on supplies for the Divine Beast.

Link got out his spear and charged an attack. When he heard Urbosa's voice he stabbed while saying, "Where is the Master Sword?" Urbosa heard the first part but vanished during the first syllable of 'Master.' Link hoped she heard him over the thunder. Link charged again and said the rest of the question really quickly.

He charged a spear strike for the last time and heard Urbosa saying, "Traditionally it was," before she vanished.

Link sighed sat down next to Scruples in the shade. "Aaaaand I'm gonna have to wait for her to recharge energy now." Scruples got up and was turning around. He seemed to be trying to say something. Link watched as the wolf pointed his nose to the shield on the ground and seemed to be holding a paw up. He made an odd growling noise. Link listened as Scruples repeated himself. Link caught on the fifth time. The growl almost sounded like the way Daruk would announce he was ready to protect Link.

Link said, "Hey, good thinking!" He picked up his gear and sought out some bokoblins. He hoped he'd be able to get ideas on where to look for his sword but if not, he was going to have to wait to hear how to get into Gerudo City. The Thunder Helm needed to be returned. He wanted to get the warp spot on Naboris activated before he returned it.

Daruk was summoned after Link chose his words carefully. A Bokoblin struck and was knocked out as Link said, "Ask Urbosa." Link avoided retaliation for a couple of minutes to let Daruk ponder the cryptic statement. He hoped Daruk and Urbosa caught on to what he was doing. Link decided enough time had passed and pulled out the shield.

Daruk, before he was cut off said, "Nowhere people have bee-." Link deflected another blow, "-she hasn't heard wh-" Link wished he got more out of Daruk. Urbosa not hearing where the sword was did confirm something at least. The Master Sword was no where people could normally be able to get to. He could rule out the Great Plateau since that place had a thorough examination by Link. Link did not think it would be in Hyrule Castle or Hyrule field. The myriad Guardians would have spotted it. Zelda wouldn't want to test how many Guardian lasers it took to break the sword. Impa had informed him that Zelda hid the sword after he and Urbosa fell in battle. Link had marked map sections with likely locations whenever he reached a tower. He'd sketched a map in his notes of places people said were well-explored to rule them out.

He hadn't been planning on raiding the Divine Beast until the Blood Moon struck that night. Blood Moons had, as far as Link knew, at least a day or two of time in between them. The sane and normal thing to do would be to take the Thunder Helm to the Gerudo and ask them for help stopping the camelbot in its tracks. Link had seen a boulder on a rock cliff with a clear line of sight to Vah Naboris. The duplex bows were going to come in handy now. Link switched to the stasis rune and counted his bomb arrows. Scruples was not going to like this. Mipha's Grace was ready.

* * *

Riju woke up bright and early with the dread feeling that there was going to be a difficult day again. Buliara told her the team hadn't found the helm in the ashes of the Yiga Hideout. People were preparing to evacuate since Naboris seemed even closer now than ever. She looked over the city towards the errant machine.

"Buliara, isn't there anything we can do to at least slow it down?"

"We were working on a long-range mechanism to attack it. It may be done before Vah Naboris gets too close."

Buliara's eyes were searching for attackers on the walls which meant Riju saw it first. There was a miniscule dot flying in the general direction of Naboris.

"Hey, Buliara, did you see that?" Buliara turned her head just in time to see the flashes of fire and smoke around the feet of the Divine Beast. With the all the smoke and sand, they didn't see the guy sliding down the back and scrabbling for a handhold. Everyone went outside that evening to see when Naboris changed direction and parked itself elsewhere. They heard a commotion at the front gate and one very annoyed guard saying, "Not you _again_."

An hour after that, a Hylian with a wrap skirt made from two hoods came through the door. 'She' was wearing a stealth mask and the scarf was wrapped around the torso to make a feminine-looking top. Link pulled out the Thunder Helm and handed it over to Buliara.

* * *

Notes: That is a lot of artistic license. As a heads up, reviewers have pointed out more clarity issues. I told myself I wouldn't do extensive editing until I have finished figuring out the rest of this but...

Does it count as Link from Breath of the Wild if it is the Link from the tapestry? JamesBirdsong, ChangelingRin, Valonstar, SilentN, Green Swordsman, MoonSamurai, Lleu, Reaper4425, Ann, FCL, and Akabane Kazama are people deserving of gratitude.


	17. Cats?

**Link continues to look for the Master Sword and stops to chat with a friend while the author figures out what to do with this plot.**

* * *

Kilton looked at the Hylian that had startled him. The Hylian was sitting on an large block of ice with an odd design on it and wearing some glowing armor. Kilton had initially wondered if some new monster species which was previously undiscovered came here.

"I suppose you're here because you heard I was opening a monster shop and you wanted to see for yourself."

"Monster shop? Um, I'm here because I look for Master Sword?"

"Master Sword? I'm opening a monster shop called Fang and Bone. I'm still preparing for my grand opening." Kilton handed over his business card to the short man then asked for it back. "Anyway... Do you, uh... Are you into monsters?" Link looked so confused that Kilton realized he might need to repeat himself. With Link's strange accent Kilton should have known he'd need to speak more clearly.

Link said after the third back and forth, "Am I into monsters?"

"Yes. That's what I'm asking." Kilton could smell various creatures on Link. He hoped maybe this was a foreign monster researcher who could compare notes with him or even tell him about new creatures outside Hyrule's borders.

Kilton did not pick up the note of dry sarcasm when Link said, "I like them."

"How much do you like them."

"I ADORE monsters."

"I LOVE MONSTERS MORE THAN YOU DO!"

"Ha! Say, do you know about Master Sword?" Link stared openly at Kilton, who stared back.

"No? I don't know if it exists. Who cares about it when we can talk about MONSTERS."

"Um, okay." Link looked thoughtful for a moment and pulled out a notebook. He flipped through torn and scorched pages. Kilton hoped he was looking at a new variant of Lynel when Link held up a picture. It looked less... sharp. "What about animals? Do cats be in Hyrule?"

Kilton wasn't sure why Link looked so disappointed after they talked more. Kilton really wanted to hear more about tiny monster Lynels that people tamed and became best friends with.

* * *

Hateno Village had been quiet today.

Manny saw the strange foreign guy riding in on a magnificent horse. Link seemed to have new armor and although Manny hadn't seen him before, his reputation preceded him. Link was stopping to talk to everyone in his strange accent and it didn't take a spyglass to see people getting confused by the questions. Soon enough, Manny's turn came. He was going to check and make sure he could figure out what this guy was up to.

Manny leaned back and casually said, "Hi."

Link remained on his horse and was already flipping open his notebook. "Hi, I'm Link."

"Hi. I'm Manny."

There was a lull in the conversation. After waiting to see if Manny had more opening pleasantries to add, Link got out a book. Some of the pages looked a little scorched. This might explain the faint smell of smoke which lingered about Link's person. "You know of Master Sword?" Link pointed to a sketch in his notebook.

"Uhhh, no one knows where it is? It's only a legend." Manny didn't see the page Link was writing on. His list of vocabulary had another tick mark next to 'legend' and he planned to check his understanding of the word later in Kakariko.

Link flipped to another page and pointed at a strange creature Manny had not seen in Hyrule. It had a strange resemblance to a Lynel. The drawing looked less menacing, somehow. "You know if any of these in Hyrule? Is cat."

"Um, what is that?"

Link flicked his notepad shut. "Is a cat. It small. Goes 'meow' and is this big." Link held out his hands to indicate size. "Is cute and fluffy."

Manny was very skeptical this was a real thing. "Yeah. Sure. Whatever you say."

Manny witnessed Link snap upright as if a marionette string was pulled. His face momentarily contorted with dread? Apprehension? It was as if he'd heard an approaching Moblin. "Liiiinnkyyyy Iha venew runesf or yo uto hel pme looka t. Youwe rer ude tojus tl eave wit hout say ingg oodby elas ttime."

Link whispered something into Epona's ear and then dramatically clung on for dear life as she reared. "Manny, sorry, bad horse problem."

As the peculiar visitor galloped off wildly, a Shiekah child darted past Manny while she was yelling. It was the same voice that had been spouting gobbledygook earlier. "I know your horse is better behaved than you! Get back here and translate runes!"

Manny went back to trying to look cool and checking things out. That little girl was probably related to Purah and any relative of hers was bound to be weird.

* * *

Malanya stretched and gave his mane a good shake in the late morning sunlight. It hadn't been much time and his day was already off to a good start. He'd had a few wild horses come by for a chat and managed to scare off a few Bokoblins.

Malanya heard hoofsteps and sensed a familiar horse. Epona and Link were coming along the trail. They were followed by a wolf who wasn't a wolf.

Link said, in ancient Hylian, "Hey, I've got a few questions. Also, how have you been?"

Epona nickered.

"You cannot imagine how nice it has been these past weeks. Being able to breathe properly and chase off Bokoblins is truly priceless." That screaming had been delightful. Anyone who tried harsher methods of horse capture in front of Malanya's spring had to be on a suicidal level of stupid. Given that these were Bokoblins, that lack of intelligence was a given. "They were mistreating horses in my domain. If you ever think of doing that, I WILL END YOU!" Malanya laughed and Epona came as close to laughing as horses ever did. "I jest."

"So, um... I'm trying to find my sword. Would you happen to know anything about the Master Sword's whereabouts? Seriously, you would think that the Princess would at least have told Impa where she was gonna stash the Sword that Seals the Darkness, but nope." Link was procrastinating Vah Medoh by undertaking something of equal or greater importance than stopping the flying fortress. He suspected Revali would not be half as welcoming as the other champions. Last reason: Rito village sounded flammable. Maybe even more than Hateno or Kakariko.

Malanya shrugged. "My horses haven't had any news on that front. Sorry, Link. Historically it has been put in the Temple of Time or in the Lost Woods."

"Oooohhh I should try the woods. Thanks, Malanya! Do you think you could give me directions?"

"Sure!"

After some time where Epona, Malanya, and Link were chatting away about the latest gossip, ("So this horse was grazing and he saw some guy left his cooking stuff unattended and kept stealing Hyrule herbs every time he wasn't looking." That sort of thing.) Malanya changed the subject.

"Link, what do you plan on doing after this quest of yours is over?"

"I don't know. I mean, I'm trying to figure out a place to go Epona likes and that isn't too flammable."

"What? Why worry about that? Just take the basic precautions with fire and you'll be fine."

Link rubbed the back of his head as Epona explained about the arson. And the standing on tables while talking to people. And the general stupid acts.

"...So you just set things on fire without meaning to? Strange, that wasn't something you were known for before you defeated Ganon."

"Yeah. It's not the only thing too. I have this weird thing where it just... irks me when people are taller than me. I can't stand people looking down at me. I'm wondering if it's brain damage from before the Shrine of resurrection but it feels like it could be something else? Also, there's this wolf no one else can see and I think he's a coping mechanism my brain came up with."

"That wolf who came with you? That emissary of the Gods?"

"Oh, that's what he is? I _thought_ he was a coping mechanism my mind came up with. Sorry for doubting your existence, Scruples. So, what about the other stuff?"

Malanya held a hand to his chin and rested an invisible elbow on the other. "The brain damage is the most likely cause of your problem. There is another possibility. Have you considered that there might be side effects from you being stuck with Ganon for a few thousand years?"

Link froze and stared wide-eyed at Malanya.

"If that's the worst side-effect you are incredibly lucky. It could have been permanent deformations or narcissism or something."

Link considered this. "I mean, when you put it that way... It could just as easily have been disassociative identity disorder or violent outbursts." Something else was bothering him today. Link steeled himself for the next question. He was dreading the answer would be bad news but had to know. "Malanya... did... did cats go extinct in the past few thousand years? I haven't seen a single cat since waking up in the shrine. People don't seem to comprehend what a cat even is. The closest anyone came was some guy who thought I was talking about a new species of Lynel."

Malanya snorted. "Nah, cats made a mass exodus for the most part. I'm pretty certain that they'll come back from other countries once this mess with Ganon is sorted out."

"Oh, thank Hylia. That has been bothering me for days now."

* * *

Note: Well there's one of the plot holes. I forgot about the hair color. I'll just dig another plot hole over there.


	18. Rito Hospitality

Link, Epona, and Link had done their best to avoid the monsters near the Lost Woods. They had not succeeded and so Link, the currently bipedal one, was exhausted by the time they made it into the entrance. He spent a good deal of time soaking in the atmosphere while he was getting very lost. Link had a vague memory of these woods and it looked exactly the same as it did ten-thousand years ago.

Pity he didn't remember how to get through the woods. Some guy at the stable said something about wind when he asked about this forest?

_Oh_. Link thought. He looked at the torches he'd followed to get in and smacked himself on the forehead. He seriously regretted not asking the tiny tree people more when he did find them but their accent was really difficult to understand. He hadn't expected the giant tree person after the fog cleared up.

Link and his companion looked up at the bark-covered face. "Wh oi sthat...? D idid oz eoffa gain? Hrm?..."

"Sorry, could you repeat that? Oh, wait, um... Ple aser epe att hat."

"You finally decided to return. Better late than never. After 100 years, I'd nearly given up hope on seeing you. Even my patience has limits, you know... I have watched over Hyrule since time immemorial. Many have referred to me over the ages as the Deku Tree. That is the weapon created by the ancient Goddess. The sword that seals the darkness - that only the chosen knight can wield against the Calamity Ganon."

Link looked up at the Deku tree with tears of gratitude in his eyes. He knew it was his sword and at the moment there was another welcome surprise on his mind.

"Great Deku Tree, you understand the old language?"

"That I do. I have lived for centuries and the knowledge from the previous Great Deku Tree was passed on to me."

Link smiled. It was time to tell the joke to someone who could understand it. He'd tried it in Modern Hyrulean but it just didn't translate properly.

* * *

_I really set myself up for disappointment there_, thought Link to himself. The tree did understand the joke. His intellect was very up to the task. He just... didn't laugh at it. Link's joke wasn't his cup of compost tea. Link decided it was a semi-victory that the Great Deku Tree understood it without interrupting or having to get it explained. The Great Deku Tree said it was clever. That was something.

Now that the little Korok had asked him to follow the other, Link walked up an introduced himself then found his company rejected. He went back to Tasho and reported back. Tasho squeaked something about not being seen. Link wished the adorable squeaky voices weren't so accented. Link had no idea how to get through to the shrine for this trial and Oaki got angry when he was seen. Link felt like he was cheating somehow when he followed Oaki to see where the shrine was in the fog.

The second trial he failed a few times. The weaponry was flammable. There was fire. There was one wolf watching and spectating with a look of resigned patience while Link figured out the trial.

The last trial forced Link to make use of his language notes and was otherwise an easy task.

Now that he had his sword back, he was considering if it was really necessary to go take on Vah Medoh. He felt bad for Revali and the guy had good reasons to not like him. Link didn't know if he'd be haunted by an angry bird ghost after helping. Revali might just blame Link for everything. Link had been incredibly lucky the other Champions liked him and didn't pin blame on him.

He could have teleported out, yet there was the matter of Epona finding her way out of the forest. Link asked a Korok what to do to find the way out of the Lost Woods with Epona. He wondered if he misunderstood. Climbing into the mouth of an Over Tree to leave sounded weird. Maybe they were referring to the Great Deku Tree as an Over Tree?

After waking up the Great Deku Tree to ask, Link was embarrassed to be informed he missed a sign pointing him in the correct direction. Link asked Epona to give him a while to reach the Woodland Stable and left the slate with her and Scruples. He knew Epona would be able to figure out how to activate the teleport rune to get there and didn't want to risk her being injured. Those Wizzrobes had been annoying.

There was a minor issue when Link came back to the stable as the story of Epona's firefighting was now known there. Link only had to struggle through some conversation before Epona arrived at the shrine. The stablehand stopped trying to recruit Link and stared at the horse appearing from thin air. Link retrieved his slate, climbed into the saddle, and they rode off to find Rito Village.

The stablehand's mouth remained hanging open after Link rode off. He knew no one was going to ever believe him about this magic horse.

* * *

Kass was not blind.

Kass saw the pattern.

People reporting the odd traveler, odd traveler going around getting into fights with monsters, spontaneous wildfires, and explosions. He was the person who expressed the least surprise when he heard the rumors of Link's legendary horse-training capabilities. Kass didn't like how many scorch marks there were when he traced Link's progress. It slowed down considerably when Link started riding Epona around.

After Vah Naboris, Kass knew there was only one Divine Beast left to conquer and suspected Link was going to ask around town. The idea of Link wandering around a village that was practically constructed of kindling gave him goosebumps. Especially since his family lived there. Kass flew on home when he saw the third targeting laser illuminating Hyrule Castle. Given the patterns of Link behavior there would be at least a week of preparation time. He could allow a few days of Link travelling, a few days of monster fighting, and at least a week of being incredibly lost and confused.

Kass did hope he was wrong about the arson being caused by Link since the guy was making more progress in fighting Ganon's minions than anyone else had in living memory. Link was doing his best to help people with whatever they asked him to help with. Kass sought out Teba and explained that there was one short blond Hylian with a particular talent for conquering Divine Beasts headed their way. Link would show up eventually and Kass took up waiting at the stable.

It was only two weeks later when Kass spotted a thing being launched off a mountaintop. He hadn't seen the arrows from this distance so the boulder was the first thing to be spotted. It didn't come remotely close to Vah Medoh. It wasn't even close enough to trigger the laser defenses on the Divine Beast. He waited as Link paraglided down and in the general direction of the village. Link would probably welcome alternative suggestions on how to board Vah Medoh.

* * *

Link found the area around Rito village to be lovely. Why, his friend Kass made the place even more inviting. Link said it wasn't necessary to have a tour guide every step of the way and found the constant escort excessive, yet Kass insisted. Link appreciated the hospitality. Link looked at the warm clothing in the store and after agonizing over if it was worth it, he spent his cash. The saving-for-a-matching-helmet fund was gone again. Link couldn't bring himself to care because now he could feel his toes.

He didn't see how he was going to get up there and was kind of glad for an excuse to not meet Revali's spirit. This was until he met some small and fluffy bird children who were looking at the sky and asking Kass how long until Vah Medoh stopped hurting people. Link realized he was going to make these kids happy or die trying.

The Elder's home had a familiar blue cloth hanging on the wall. Revali hadn't even gotten his scarf back before the Blight got him.

* * *

Notes: Wow, reviews! I like reviews. The cats _are_ smart enough to hightail it out of there when the giant monster is eating the castle. You can tell cats are not favored by Malanya. At least Link knows they are a priority. Although, a quick google search shows that cats and horses make for excellent friends soooo that's a new plot hole. Malanya would be friends with things that are friends with horses. (That isn't the only glaring error in last chapter.) This chapter was rewritten and still missing something.


	19. Scarfing Down Food

"The demon seems to have a sort of power over lesser creatures. I've not seen anything like it. Were abilities of this nature mentioned in any of the legends you have studied, Your Highness?"

"No, Revali, I'm afraid not." Zelda was sulking. Not only was this strange fellow picking up the Master Sword and acting as if he owned it, he was now better friends with Zelda's horse than Zelda was. This would not have been so bad if he were not also better friends with the dig site puppy, the other horses, and the castle library cat. Urbosa half-expected to walk in on Link doing a musical duet with songbirds. "Just what right does this... boy... have to just waltz in and take the Sword!?" She put in so much work and Link showed up looking all perfect. He had to gall to stand there and be stoic in the face of adversity. The seemingly-teenage Link had adopted a flat mask which only slipped around cute animals.

This whole farce that had been going on for the past two days had driven Zelda to seek some kind of refuge and a listening ear that shared her feelings. Hence why she was on a balcony with Revali. Revali's scarf had been returned today after a triple-washing. Zelda had yet to pry the story out of Revali beyond assertions that Purah was out of control. She would ask Purah the next time she saw her. Unlike Revali's scarf, Link's armor was not returned. It was kept by the dig site after a small measure of pettiness caused Zelda to sweetly give permission to Robbie to knock himself out with experiments on it. (Link had drawn a picture of the armor and pointed at it every now and then. She feigned ignorance.)

If it were not for the charade she herself had insisted on, the King and castle staff might have been far less mystified by the behavior of the Champions. Then again, they didn't know what to make of the morose Link either. He'd become an oddity, a curious subject of conversation. The public spun rumors around him that were far more believable than the public announcement. A young man who came from nowhere and which only spoke Ancient Hylian and Ancient Sheikah was taken as a sign. Not that anyone knew what the sign was supposed to mean. There were no records of him coming in across the borders by land or sea. No Rito had seen him on the roads and no port authority had greeted him at the docks. The repaired hole in the floor of the Temple of Time still had a rope around it as the tile grout finished drying.

At the castle, Link showed little interest in talking and it took a lot of coaxing from Mipha, Daruk, and Urbosa to get him learning new words. He had grasped enough of what was going on to tell when people wanted him to go stand somewhere and exist. Link kept saying things whenever hesaw the Sheikah Slate and tried to politely take it out of people's hands before being yelled at. ("Youa ren tgon nabeabl eto ac ces sallt heru neswhi lelog gedin asague st.") Repeated tests showed that no, the Master Sword still hated other people trying to pick her up. A knighting ceremony was ruled out for now since, with no real way to explain it to Link, he might react badly to a naked sword being held to his neck. The researchers had figured out rudiments of the ancient language but Link would probably still think he was being ritually executed.

Revali tried to think of how to help Princess Zelda through this new trial. Until Link showed his true colors and did something like terrorizing Rito Village, he was not allowed to shoot him. The optics would be bad. King Rhoam's words to the assembled court rang through his mind and he wondered what it would be like if he knew about the pedestal.

_People of Hyrule, thanks to the efforts of Princess Zelda and her Champions, we have located the destined wielder of the Sword that Seals the Darkness. This young man standing before you know might just be Ganon, but it's all right now. Daruk threw the pedestal at him and the Master Sword, for some reason, decided to let Link carry it around without burning his hand off. According to the Champions, he looked a lot worse before being hit by the pedestal and getting a haircut... Oh, Din, just strike me down now._

Keeping bits out of the story didn't sit right with the naturally honest Rito and yet, he could see Zelda's wisdom here. Zelda and Revali started omitting details and talking in code as they walked down to the dining hall for supper with the King. Link continued to trail along behind whoever was familiar. Today, he'd picked Daruk. Much to Revali's disgust, Link was directed by a butler to be seated next to Revali. This meant Revali was between Link and Daruk.

He supposed that was better than Link being next to Zelda or the King. Revali's chief objection was that bows were long-range weapons. This seating location was a major disadvantage. Link had been around for a few days and yet still hesitated at the beginning of the meal to observe what everyone else was doing with the soup. Link kept glancing at Revali. Revali made sure to glare back in kind. He would not be intimidated.

Link finally, after a few exchanged looks, reached up a hand to his neck and drew his hand across the collar.

This was a message Revali could not ignore. Revali hissed and stood up with a wing planted firmly on the table. The thump drew even more attention but the startled stares were inconsequential. Couldn't they all see this happening? "You! You dare to threaten me with all these witnesses present?!" He didn't notice the bowl teeter.

Link leaned backwards in his chair as Revali loomed above him. It was strange to see an emotion other than an impassive and morose mask on Link after the past couple of days. "O hno wh atdidid othi stime? Ihav egotto sto ptryi ngtohel ppe oplew itht heirf ash ion."

"I SAW THAT! I'd like to see you try to choke me when you are riddled through with arrows..." He felt something on his hand and saw movement in his peripheral vision. Revali looked down to see his scarf dropping onto the soup bowl. No one at the table dared to speak.

Mipha leaned across the table and quietly said, "I think he was trying to tell you that your scarf came undone."

* * *

Link did not actually end up terrorizing Rito Village for another 100 years. When he did, it was mostly Kass who suffered.

Kass had years of experience with children between his own flock and the students. He had forgotten a crucial fact of parenting and babysitting: Never underestimate the child. In this case he'd only turned his back for a second to speak with his wife. Link vanished and now he was reminding himself to keep a clear head and find the probable-pyromaniac. He would not panic. Link would be nearby and he'd find Link before there were flames licking at the floorboards.

Kass flew around and saw no blond hair. He checked at the store and spoke to the inn guests to confirm Link didn't make any reservations. He asked the guards at the bridge and made sure Link didn't decide to take up cliff diving out of the blue. He asked the stable visitors just in case Link had been there standing on tables to talk to people. He flew around the cliffs and saw no suicidal climbing attempts in progress.

Kass was just beginning to panic when he saw the young man materializing at the shrine in the village. Link waved cheerfully at Kass. Kass suppressed his lecture and managed to smile back. "Link, where have you been? I have been wondering where you went."

"I look for a fish. A sa-salmin? Salmon!" Link held up a Mighty Porgy. "Is this a salmon?"

"...it... um... what?" Kass' mind caught up. "...Link, that's a Porgy."

Link glared at the small scaled fish in his hand as if it had committed some grave crime. "Ith ou ghtt hisw asit si ncei twa syello wandr ed..."

"Why, may I ask, are you looking for a salmon?"

"Someone asked for salmon for salmon meuniaerere."

"Salmon Meunière? Oh, that's... I should have asked the kids. Genli asked, didn't she?"

"Genli? Oh, that's the kid? Yes, she asked. Needed food."

"Did she tell you there are some living in a pond right at the entrance?..."

Link smacked himself on the forehead with the hand that was not currently holding a fish. Kass helped find a salmon then took Link over to the Flight Range. (He had planned to take Link to Vah Medoh, but Teba's flying was vastly superior to Kass'. Objections from his significant other were an even bigger consideraton. Now if Teba's wife would ever forgive Kass, that would be nice.)

* * *

Notes: This chapter needed more work but the Untitled Goose Game is so good, I forgot Link's Awakening existed. Why rewrite when you can terrorize a small village as a waterfowl?


	20. Vah Medohn't

_Oh dear, I think I forgot to respond to the reviews. It really is strange more people don't make common tech jokes about the Sheikah Slate and it's good someone else likes them. As for the joke Link has to tell, is better left to the imagination of readers. (Okay, to be honest, I just can't think of anything funny enough to warrant all the angst Link has about not having anyone to appreciate it.) He should have gone snowling. That NPC and many others need to encounter Link doing sidequests. I might get to that after actually finishing the thing and maybe going back to fix the problems. Ooooorrrrr writing a chapter about the Scourge of the Master Cycle Zero: Wheelieblight Ganon. This story is so haphazard but it is so much more popular than my previous one._

**The grand and strange tale where trusting a Malicious and suspicious Link would have been a good thing continues. Vah Medoh should have been nothing more than annoying. It is a little more than that.**

* * *

Link flinched as the ghostly voice of Revali started to speak. "Well now, I've seen that face before..." The disembodied voice was not half as ruffled as Link thought it would sound. Some notes of the restrained anger started to surface at this point, "I had a feeling you would show up eventually. Why'd you wait a hundred years to come here and gloat about your victory?"

"Not my victory yet. I need to kill Ganon again. Got to get Divine Beast free."

"YOUR BLASTED CREATURE MURDERED ME AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO-"

Link sighed to himself and realized the experimental beeswax earplugs were useless in the face of Revali's volume. He drew the Master Sword and proceeded into the belly of the flying machine. Link had no intention of prematurely using the Champions' abilities and so ignored Revali's creative suggestions on various ways to die.

Link didn't notice the usual pattern of Divine Beast conquest was about to be interrupted due to Revali's distractions. With the other three Divine Beasts, the Blights waited to see if visitors would die on their own. Blights weren't very bright and thought it would be a good idea to wait until people were activating the last terminal to slaughter them. Their bulk made materializing in smaller spaces tricky. They also liked to relax and bask in their century-long assumed victory. Keeping constant vigilance up was not high priority when people didn't have Sheikah Slates on them and couldn't activate terminals to tamper with stuff.

As Link reached the first terminal and obtained the map, Revali's yelling and insults continued. Link suspected, and had confirmed using several weeks worth of short interviews punctuated by thunder and laser reflections, that Daruk hadn't been able to chat with Mipha until after the Fireblight was slain.

The Windblight had heard Revali's yelling and it got curious. Revali hadn't yelled this much for the past decade. Both Link and Revali didn't see the swirls outside. Link was gliding down towards a wing vent and then...

"**SCREEEEEEEEEEE!**"

Link collapsed the paraglider a split second too late. A blast of plasma knocked him clear of the wingtip and into the open sky.

"What?! It's actually trying to kill you?!"

Link screamed back as he was trying to operate the Sheikah Slate while in freefall. "Yes!"

"Why?!"

"I kill Ganon!"

**"SCREEEEEEEEE!"**

Link fumbled and pressed the transport rune to get back onto Vah Medoh before he became a rain of ashes on the Hebra Mountains. The Windblight looked in confusion at the spot where Link had been as Link reappeared on the landing pad. Link hobbled into the machine as he chugged an elixir. Unfortunately for him the Windblight caught on fast and reappeared by a window. Link was forced to duck and cover as a barrage of shots came in through the window.

"Aren't you Ganon?! That thing is one of Ganon's own servants and-"

"Help if you talk please!" Link prepared a round of Urbosa's Fury and hoped it could stun the thing floating outside the window. He needed to get to a nice and open battle arena. It was looking more and more likely that Mipha was going to be needed.

"That thing plays dirty! If you could stun it somehow you might be able to get to the main terminal. Why are you wasting your time on a short range weapon when you can't even reach it from here?!"

Revali hadn't manifested so no one was able to see his jaw drop as Urbosa appeared to smite the Blight. Urbosa only managed a few words. "Attack pattern inf-"

* * *

Revali hadn't expected to see all of his fellow champions in this mortal coil. He would never have, in his wildest dreams, pictured them returning in this manner. He knew they had to be the true force responsible for freeing Vah Medoh.

He manifested above a battered Link and peered down at him. "Why, Mipha, Daruk, and Urbosa saved your sorry hide. You can't claim this victory. That was sloppy. You would have expired right then and there if it weren't for her grace, you know." Revali didn't know about the four remaining fairies, twelve different appetizing hearty meals, attack boost skewers, and bomb arrows which Link still had in reserve.

Link was, thankfully, too polite to make certain gestures at this bird. "Mipha is amazing," acknowledged Link. Link wondered about which rice bowl he should celebrate with. First he had to take care of the Divine Beast. He held the slate to the control terminal.

"I can't believe how... lucky you are."

_Was that an almost compliment?_ Link thought. He hummed noncommittally as he rebooted the SheikahOS. It didn't help that Revali was adding new words to the unfamiliar vocabulary list.

"Your ineptitude nearly cost you your life. Since this whole mess is your fault, you're going to need to go and fix it. I cannot believe you of all people managed to show up here... What?! Urbosa, you can't..." Link didn't hear what the other spirits were saying since he wasn't calling on their gifts. He could only guess. "...Hey, he would have died without you and the reason I died is only because I was winging it. Stop laughing! That isn't funny." Link listened to Revali grow more flustered and many of the sentences were impossible to puzzle out for a non-native modern-language speaker.

It was after Link finished the reboot and picked a victory steak that he heard Revali yelling. "All right, all right! FINE. But only because Mipha requested it... Link!"

Link stopped mid-chew.

"Put that steak away and listen, moron."

Link considered ignoring that order then decided against it. The other Champions probably would not approve of stooping to Revali's level.

"Since, in our absence, Hyrule has lost any semblance of competent and skilled warriors, we'll need some idiot reckless enough to charge in and..." He started muttering to someone Link could not see. Revali sighed deeply and dragged his wings/hands down is face in an universal expression of annoyance. "I can't believe I'm actually saying this. This is the sacred skill that I have dubbed Revali's Gale!" Link was caught off guard by the orb of power that flew into his chest while he was wondering if Revali was actually more of a drama queen than Kohga. The blast of wind flung Link into the terminal.

"HEY. Tha twa sunc alle dfory ouje rk!"

"Whatever you said, It was probably irrelevant. Next time pay attention when using Revali's Gale. It's now time to move on and make preparations for Medoh's strike on Ganon. Feel free to thank me now."

Link didn't.

Revali rolled his eyes. "Never mind. Just go."

Link did.


	21. More Sidequests

**Sidequests again? Link does need to prepare for the assault. I probably missed a few good NPCs. A lot of them. Sorry. **

* * *

In retrospect, Link felt kind of bad for not thanking Revali despite the insufferable level of smug. Link had compiled a to-do list of things he wanted to, well, do before he went to kill Ganon. Again.

It didn't help that there had been a few spots on the mountain where Link head the Shrine sensor beeping. He could ignore the shrines and the conversation but he wanted to take every advantage he could reasonably have. Link didn't relish the idea of being stuck in the Dark World with Ganon for another few thousand years. He wondered if tying the Master Sword to his hand would be too much restriction on his freedom of movement or worth the risk. Half-formed plans kept Link up much of the night. He had another go at trying to reactivate the armor link to the slate. The only function he had functional was the heart rate monitor. He really wanted to get the secondary tech power supply running. The additional power for ancient weaponry would boost chances of survival.

Once he managed relaxation, Link slept soundly He woke up to the sound of the concertina and made sure to thank Kass before saying goodbye. There were a lot of people to visit. Link decided to start with something easy while he finished planning.

The first stop was the tower visible from Rito Village. The blank spot on his map irked him even though he didn't have plans to explore the snow-covered mountains. Link had some time as he rode up to his destination and a desperate need to talk to someone. He decided to check out the cabin visible from the tower. After that he was gonna ask Cotera where her other two sisters were located because he would feel bad if they were stuck without power for much longer. This would have to be weighed against Zelda being stuck in the castle, of course. Link wanted to look for more supplies while traveling to the remaining fairies.

* * *

Pondo had just finished setting up the pins for snowling. Most people would have decided to use a smaller scale for normal bowling. Normal bowling was boring and this was snowling. Pondo was of the opinion that if the pins were anything less than four feet tall and had no carved moose heads it wasn't worth it. It took a very long time to drag the gigantic carved log pins into place for a new round. If he ever had a visitor that joined him, he was going to charge good money.

So engrossed was Pondo in the moving of wooden pins that he didn't see the guy coming.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, Hi! Nice to meet a fresh face in these parts. It's not every day I get company this high in the hills. This snowball is for this game I made up!"

"Game?"

"Yeah! Snowball bowling! Or, as I call it, Snowling!"

"Snowling? How does it work?"

Link watched with interest as Pondo demonstrated. He helped reset the pins and Pondo gave the odd foreigner a free try after introductions. Link didn't understand the language too well but he had a big grin on his face and was willing to play while he let stew simmer inside. After a few rounds Link got an even bigger grin.

"OH! Hey, can we make a smaller one? Smaller snowling?"

"Why would you want a smaller game of Snowling?"

"For the, um, what word was it, the tree children?" Pondo had no idea what Link was talking about until Link showed him sketches and fumbled more words. "Small tree children! Forest spirits? Korok! That was the word!"

Pondo shrugged and decided to play along. He helped Link make a smaller sized run with sticks stood up in the snow. Pondo absentmindedly started to carve a piece ofthe wood Link had provided for this project. Link dashed uphill, then came back minutes later. Pondo decided he could tolerate a little bit of imaginary friends for the sake of this new one. Pondo watched as Link left a small snowball on the ground. What Pondo wasn't expecting was to see the snowball hover around for a little while before being tossed downhill at the smaller pins.

Link said, "Sorry, I have to go do important things. Have fun guys!" then left. Pondo scratched his head and reset the pins for his new, invisible, bowling buddy.

* * *

Barta sighed and muttered one word under her breath.

"Tourists."

Looking down at the blond weird foreigner which lay on the sand, she was able to spot the cause of near-death. There was a bottle half-full of dark-grey and black fluid. Not only that, he was wearing flamebreaker armor instead of proper desert clothing. She took pity on Link and poured a little sun-protection elixir down his throat. It was the least she could do for the guy that got her out of the cell.

Link came to and squinted up at Barta. "Nggggh whath appe ned? Barta? What happened?"

"You drank the wrong elixir. You are really lucky, you know. Even I'm not stupid enough to travel the desert without proper sun protection and chilly stuff on hand."

"But I drank elixir!"

"Wrong elixir. It was fireproof. Not chilly."

Link had bewilderment written on every inch of his face. "I drank fireproof elixir! It protects against heat!"

"It wasn't a cooling drink."

"But the elixir protects me from heat!"

Barta ended up having to carefully explain this concept over and over to Link. Why people assumed stuff that would protect them from the burning fury of Death Mountain would work was beyond her. Eventually, Link understood.

"So fireproof elixir only works if it very very hot. Not if only very hot?"

"YES."

"WHY."

Barta shrugged. She gave Link the rest of the bottle to get him back to the bazaar. If she had looked back, she would have seen Link putting back on the rest of the Flamebreaker gear which was upgraded twice. He tucked the bottle into his inventory. She also would have seen him strapping a lot of wood to the armor, guzzling fireproof elixir, setting the wood on fire, then continuing on his way to the Great Fairy. Scruples temporarily died in an earlier skirmish with Lizalfos, or he might have died of worry.

The craziest part of this idea was that it worked to protect Link from heatstroke.

* * *

"Here's the rupees, now how about that helmet?" Link looked expectantly at Robbie.

The old Sheikah researcher grinned at the glittering treasure being offered. "All right, now we put the gears and cores into Che... the forge."

"Gears and cores?"

"Yeah, we can't make the helmet without material."

"...I sold stuff to get the cash after helping out the fairies. Why didn't you guys get materials from the deactivated machines outside?"

Robbie stared back blankly as Link threw up his hands and fast-traveled to mine some diamonds or luminous stone.

* * *

Link wasn't looking forward to this. He, after some consideration, decided that it would be best to thank Revali after all. The first impression Revali had of Link was less than stellar and had contributed greatly to Revali's dislike of Link. Link would have been wary of anyone who crawled from the ground wreathed in dark chaotic energies. The nearly dying because of Revali waking the Blight was not cool, but how could Revali have foreseen that?

Link crouched on the ground and as he was rising said, "Iforgotto-OW" The thud of forehead on stone echoed in the air. Link rubbed his head and moved away from the cliff he'd been trying to scale. He crouched again and waited for the power to start stirring the air. As he sailed up, this time he got the next part out. "Thankyoufo-Oof!"

The cliff Link could have blamed on his lack of steering but this particular gale had launched him right into a tree. Link detangled his clothing from the branches and tried to avoid landing on the wolf or horse below.

The third gale did not slam him into a cliff or snag him on a tree. Link finished his sentence that had been started as he saw Revali's folded wings and raised eyebrow. "ForhelpingsaveHyrule!" This time there was no cliff crash or branch bashing. Link got back in the saddle and rode off to the arrow merchant.

* * *

Link rode on Epona across the bridge. He was on his way to complete the last task before he went to Hyrule Castle. Link, Malanya, and Epona had a pleasant chat as the wolf watched. Link told Malanya about Vah Medoh and his preparations. "...So Robbie made me a helmet now but I'm still feeling like he was cheating me somehow. You think the scientists who've been studying my gear would have restored the power amp functionality for my armor but noooo. You'll never guess what actually got the circuits repaired on my cuirass."

"Are you gonna tell me?"

"The fairies. It took a lot of stuff though. It would have taken less stuff to do it properly instead of magically but we didn't have a good soldering iron."

"That's unfortunate. Did they at least agree to get working on the horse armor designs? I'd love some of those for my friends here."

"They said they'd maybe give it a go, which probably meant they were too polite to say they don't think it as important as their other projects... Hey, can you do me a favor? I've left a few pictures and a recording on my Sheikah Slate. Purah's Sheikah Slate too. Just in case there's a repeat of last time."

"Last time was a bit of a disaster, yeah. That can't have been fun, getting sealed with Ganon. Should we change subject?"

"Probably. Best not to dwell on that one. I'm pretty sure I was unconscious for most of it at least." He was guessing this on the assumption that if he and Ganon hadn't been in hibernation or something he'd have been a lot less sane when the Champions met him. "Epona is really mad about this, but she is not going to Hyrule Castle. That whole area is covered in haywire Guardians. If I go down, you'll take care of her." Link knew he didn't need to ask that.

Epona snorted. Malanya could see Link's point, even if Epona did not want to.

"Are you leaving her here with me then?"

"Yeah... I'll be back after this whole mess is over. If not, well, you know."

"You better come back or SUFFER MY WRATH!... I jest."

After Link left to go ruin Ganon's day, Malanya and Epona looked at each other.

Malanya said, "Well, I would love to stop you from throwing your life away but... Just be really careful you don't end up giving Bokoblins a ride, please."

Epona gave him a look that said 'I would get rid of any of those little wimps in no time.' She galloped off to the Castle and Malanya's blessing aided her speed.

* * *

_Notes: Thank you for the reviews people! Especially the new reviewers. The fireproof elixir vs. cooling elixir mechanic is just so wrong. SO WRONG. So I fixed it._


	22. Hyrule Castle

**Notes: Sooooo the reviewers asked if that method of strapping burning wood to Flamebreaker gear and setting it on fire would actually protect Link from the desert sun. On a whim, I decided to test the accuracy of this assumption and booted up the ol' Wii U. Breath of the Wild has no 'strap-wood-to-yourself-and-set-it-on-fire' mechanic that I know of. I had Link drink fireproof elixir and build a campfire while he was still dying of exposure to the desert sun. **

**It doesn't work. ****So yeah, make sure to drink your sunblock and not your volcano-immunity juice****. (Admittedly, I didn't test it with the upgraded and flameproof armor since I haven't upgraded it enough yet.)**

* * *

Link looked at the gate and smiled. The wolf and him had dismantled a few more machines on the walk through the field. Link let Scruples do most of it since he was conserving his strength for this place.

Link and Zelda had a semi-victory ten thousand years ago with the sealing of Ganon. It couldn't be said to be a proper victory when Link was dragged into the Dark world with Ganon. The Malice may have soaked into his body but his spirit could not be dimmed and could not be broken. Link was still Link, despite spending so much time soaking in the darkness and Malice. Ganon may as well have tried to pickle a diamond. Ganon had a semi-victory one-hundred years ago thanks to Zelda. He could have screamed, 'If it weren't for you meddling kids!' In a way, it was a tie. Both of those times, Link had been taken by surprise. This time, he was truly prepared with his sword and his armor. Spirit orbs granted by monks bolstered Link's resilience and there were no people to have to take hits for.

"I think Zelda's been waiting too long..." he said to Scruples. He then cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled to Hyrule Castle. "All right ugly! It's round three."

The Hero of Antiquity was a force unstoppable, a light unquenchable, and a spirit unpicklable. He was going to _win_.

* * *

The following excerpts are found in a certain diary. Paya flipped past the pages as perched in a good vantage point to keep an eye on the castle. It was a very safe distance from the patrols of ancient machines.

_"After sleeping for ages, Master Link has finally awoken. It seems his memory is completely gone... But that was nothing compared to the difficulty of speaking to him. I believe this is the first time I've ever seen Grandmother confused. Master Link himself looks so gallant... He is the very picture of the hero I always imagined. His blond sideburns flow like a golden waterfall over his dignified, pointy ears. And the way his hair is so perfectly parted to the side, wow! I don't know why, but my heart won't stop beating a mile a minute..."_

_"I must admit that I'm still not great at interacting with young men. But I think I am finally able to speak to Master Link while looking him in the eyes! It started as I was sweeping the porch and saw him looking into the waters below our home. Those wonderful eyes were filled with intense concentration... He finally smiled and pulled a glowing blue orb from the slate. He dropped it into the pool and detonated the explosive. Right by the base of the island which our home rests on. I really shouldn't have, but I asked him what he was doing when he climbed back to shore with our prized symbols of strength, the Sanke Carp. Naturally I still get a little embarrassed thinking about that... but I can't help it! I am so conflicted. Should I have lectured the Hero of Antiquity? Should I have let him devour our fish as he pleases? I blame his beautiful blue eyes and lack of familiarity with the present day. Ugh. This is all so confusing..."_

The next entry was much shorter.

_"Today I found Link cooking not only our prized Sanke Carp, but he was garnishing it with the endangered Silent Princess flowers."_

It was many weeks later before this next passage was written in Paya's diary. In between there are notes about the infrequent visitor and his requests for help making a dictionary. These are mixed with complaints about various oddities of behavior and attire. Paya flips past them all and starts writing on a new page.

_"I spoke to Grandmother about what's been weighing on my mind lately. For the first time... my heart know what it means to love. Though it may be a love that is never shared or returned, just having it for myself is gift enough. Although I must admit, Seeing him brings me great irritation too... I bet he has that effect on everyone. He came today to speak with Grandmother and he has been through so much. He wanted to leave his notes with her in case the worst should happen to him. His battered journal and all the secrets it holds are in our possession now. Grandmother has asked me to watch the castle for when Link succe..."_

"Good day, Miss." Kass said, startling Paya.

"AAAAA!" Paya stopped herself retaliating with a knife. It was a Rito. Kass was also someone she'd seen flying around before.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. This is just a good vantage point to watch the castle away from the Guardians, you see."

"Oh? I'm, I'm w-watching the castle too." She held up the spyglass she'd brought

The two didn't quite see the small blue lights on an armor-clad figure which were approaching the castle. Trees blocked some of the explosions of Guardians unlucky enough to be patrolling the field. It was also really far away.

"As a bard, it is my responsibility to record events of great importance. I believe a young man by the name of Link intends to rescue the princess today." Young-looking. Kass fully intended for his journals to speak the truth. The songs would too, just... more poetically and with less details. "Have you met him?"

"Um, He is a regular visitor in Kakariko." Paya said while thinking, _Actually, he's more irregular._

Kass and Paya ended up comparing notes as they watched the castle. Paya thought Link would try sneaking in to the Castle through the underground passages. Kass' thinking was that Link would paraglide in past most of the defenses.

As it turns out, Link didn't end up using the oversized Zora armor. Nor did they spot a blue and orange array of lights dangling from a paraglider. The two were watching different sides of the castle. Kass eventually had to do a double-take. He had much sharper eyesight than even Paya's good eyesight. (Being a bird-person had many advantages.)

"Miss Paya... Is that him going through the front gates?"

"S-Surely he plans to take a less-guarded side route?!"

They could only hope as they lost sight of the blue and orange light. They then found that they were able to see that no, Link was not going through a side route. Flames, smoke, and explosions in various explosions sprouted from the windows, towers, Guardians, and rooftops. Objects flew.

* * *

Fire and explosions were nothing new in the history of heroes fighting Ganon. Explosives were traditional, even if no one remembered much about the other Links after a few-thousand years. This one was giving less thought to load bearing walls and personal explosives safety than others. Wholesale and wanton slaughter of monsters? Bog-standard. When it came to Triforce of Courage, or as Ganon personally thought of it the Triforce of Stubborn, chosen ones had a tendency to wipe out evil armies.

What Ganon was not expecting was the maniacal laughter. That was new. Links gave the occasional giddy yell after a plan worked. Sometimes they would let out a triumphant burst of laughter from the sheer joy of being alive. This Link was cackling with dark glee. The wolf cast him worried glances in the middle of shredding enemy throats.

Had Ganon not given up on proper reincarnation and gone the mindless monster route, he would have been worried.


	23. Link is Angry

_Sorry guys, I'm splitting the final boss. I should probably go back and fill in some of the missing chapter summaries..._

**Link is angry.**

* * *

There were many lingering spirits which haunted the halls of Hyrule Castle. Most people passed on after finding out their loved ones died too. There was old age and non-age related causes. It was a hundred years. A few particularly stubborn guys remained bound to this mortal coil by a sense of duty. A couple just really wanted to see Ganon get taken down a peg. Mostly they faded in and out of whatever passed for conscious for a ghost. It was difficult to properly haunt with the Malice choking the air. That stuff wreaked havoc on the ectoplasm. A talented medium might be able to get some communication going with these guys but Link wasn't able to see these fellows.

Most time was spent being lingering spirits awash in regret and boredom. It wasn't quite like the Twilight covered Hyrule: The Malice was nastier stuff and they all were rather dead. There had been intruders every now and then. People were invisibly cheered on sometimes as they retreated with their lives intact. Objects shifted to trip monsters every now and then or an arrow might change course ever so slightly. King Rhoam had much appreciated the backup poltergeists when getting the Book of Mudora out of there.

One particular spirit was lingering on the approach to the Sanctum and glaring at the even stronger dark aura which kept him outside and away from trying to maybe chat with Princess Zelda to impart words of encouragement on behalf of the dead Knights. In a different parallel universe where things were much more dignified and Link was Zelda's contemporary, he may have been a father. The Captain, despite incorporality, kicked a tendril of darkness for the three-hundred and eighty-seventh time. It always resulted in uncomfortable phantom limb dissolution but he couldn't help wanting to feel like he was doing something.

He heard some maniacal laughter that didn't sound like it was coming from the Sanctum. It wasn't a Wizzrobey laugh either. It sounded very human. It was accompanied by one of the turrets being hit with a streak of blue and going kablooey. At first, Captain thought a new type of Guardian was rounding the corner. It only took him a split second to realize it was a short guy in strange armor. The Captain, and some other ghost knights, watched Link look at the Sanctum doorway. Captain spotted another ghost knight who we can call Knight. They talked.

The Captain asked, "Isn't that the kid from a hundred years ago?"

"I, think so? It is the Master Sword, and the voice sounds like him. I was watching him fight a silver Lynel... He was constantly laughing right up until his wolf went down fighting Moblins." Knight gave that more consideration. He and a few other guys who were currently more connected to temporal events had started following this guy with a building sense of wonderment. "Actually, the wolf is a ghost too and, uh, not actually a wolf. That's him over there." Captain took a good long look at an indistinct silhouette which wasn't wearing a knight uniform. It was hard to tell since he was barely connected to the waking world, but he bore an eerie resemblance to the Link that was now launching Guardians into each other. "Don't ask me why he was a wolf."

The two knights watched as the living Link went really quiet. Link put away the bow and the massive Guardian Axe. He drew the Master Sword and activated a glowing blue shield.

He took two steps forward and stopped. He put away the shield. All the ghosts present watched Link tie the sword to his hand with leather cords before reactivating the shield and marching in. Ganon didn't have the capacity to be concerned earlier yet now, the sudden shift in behavior made Ganon hesitate just a moment before ripping himself off the ceiling.

The ghosts collectively gasped when the floor collapsed under Link and gathered around as close as they could to watch the moving lights below. The ghosts watched the blue laser descend from the sky and cheered.

* * *

Zelda poured everything she had into sealing even as she apologized to Link for being unable to hold back the creature.

Link didn't come to a gentle landing on his feet to gape at the monstrosity. Link had experienced more than enough Calamity to literally last lifetimes. He dropped down right onto the back and systematically tore at unholy limbs.

"You-"

Stab.

"Will-"

Slice.

"Let-"

Cut.

"Her-"

Zelda spared a little of the power she'd been using to keep from being digested to warn him. "Link, what are you doing?! Get out of the way before the Divine Beasts assault him!"

Link leaped off the back and watched the wrath of the Champions stop Ganon mid-screech. Link didn't wait for Ganon to get back up to its feet before he was using the Blade of Evil's Bane to shred Ganon's face. Link was quietly growling words in the ancient language. Zelda watched in excitement and with a little bit of fear.

"_Let her** go**._"

Ganon roared and reared back away from the relentless Link. ("This isn't your Hyrule! They even tried to kill you")

"I don't care."

Urbosa's Fury ripped at Ganon.

"Nobody-"

Link was a blur of multiple light sources attacking Ganon's body as it pulled itself up.

"Deserves to be-"

Then the Master Sword was attacking every limb in reach.

"...Stuck listening to you whine for a _single_ Hylia-forsaken _minute_."

Zelda had thought that Link and Ganon would maybe taunt each other. Ganon might have enjoyed insulting him like he had been insulting and trying to inspire despair in her. What Zelda hadn't considered was that Ganon and Link had more than enough time to chat, were sick of each other's company right from the start, and had nothing more to say to each other about the past. To Link right now, words were simply background scenery. Ganon was screaming insults in demontongue and getting no retorts. At one point, Link called on Daruk while replacing a broken shield. Revali's Gale came to land Link on the back of the creature again. Link continued on his experiment to see just how many stabs it took to reach the center of an immortal demon.*

It took less time to fight the first form than it would have taken Link to cook an egg pudding.

* * *

*I googled "How many hits with the Master Sword does it take to kill Calamity Ganon" and the internet failed me.


	24. Finale

_Several commenters were kind enough to estimate that it takes approximately 67 stabs to reach the center of an immortal demon lord without adjusting for paraglider drops and attack booster foods. Thank you for making it so I don't have to use the proper search terms or calculate things myself!_

_You commenters all rock, even the ones who didn't give me math. It still feels like I forgot something big on this chapter. Oh well._

**Epona, Link, and Zelda prove that they are Hyrule's best demon-slaying crew.**

* * *

Out in Hyrule Field, Epona glared at Link as he appeared next to her in a little pop of light.

Link smiled and folded his arms. "Shouldn't you be with Malanya? Seriously Epona, you didn't need... to..." Link sensed the something that Epona was gesturing to with her head. That spurred him to turn around and look at the colossal problem which was behind him.

"Ganon was born out of a dark past..." Zelda's history lesson was not at the forefront of Link's attention as he hoisted himself into the saddle. "He has given up on reincarnation and assumed his pure, enraged form." Link mentally was looking at the grass and wondering if updrafts from fire would carry him upwards far enough to attack Ganon's face.

Zelda knew what he was thinking and that long range was gonna be much better for this fight. "I entrust you with the Bow of Light-a powerful weapon in the face of evil." She had seen Link's wildly improbable archery skills. "Link, you may not be at a point where you have fully recovered your power or all of your memories..." She patiently waited for him to finish undoing the leather strap that tied the Master Sword to his hand. This gave her the opportunity to give him a pep talk on behalf of her predecessors while Ganon did his dramatic posing. Ganon was currently outranking Revali in the drama department. "But courage need not be remembered for it is never forgotten."

Epona figured Link was about done with removing the straps so she galloped to the bow and demonstrated just why she was objectively superior to other horses. Link acknowledged Zelda's work on making glowing weak points by making use of said weak points.

* * *

From the distance which Kass and Paya previously assumed was safe, they were rapidly scribbling down notes after they'd took up partial cover behind a large boulder. They couldn't exactly see a lot and Kass had taken the spyglass from Paya to combine his amazing eyesight with her note-taking speed. They had improvised binoculars by tying his spyglass and her spyglass together. "The hero didn't even flinch! The horse is a hair's breadth from that hoof and SHOOT THE GLOWING AREA! WHAT Epona just grabbed a tree branch for some reason and it is on fire and she is setting more grass on fire and his horse is an arsonist too whaLinkjustjumpedintotheinferno!"

Paya gasped and her pencil tore through the pages.

"Wait, no, he's pulled out his paraglider at the last second to rise into the heavens and strike! YES! Link hit three spots in the space of a second! He shot faster than I can even see!" She made a grab for the makeshift binoculars but Kass wasn't done. He waved a wing at her and separated the spyglasses so they could both watch. Paya listened with rapt attention as Kass reinvented Hyrulean sports-style commentary. She couldn't take her eyes off the glowing bow and streaks of light which fought against Ganon. "He just went UNDER it! He's riding around the back of it again now!" Kass knew ten seconds of this fight was going to be worth several works of wordsmithery.

On the other side of the battle, the many ghosts of Hyrule Castle were trying to get a good look at things, but without the benefit of a spyglass. They were dead enough to not care about having protective cover.

It took Link and Epona very little time to kill Beast Ganon. Epona's skill and anticipation of Link's movements was unparalleled. All watchers fell silent when the pure and holy light of Princess Zelda became visible. Paya's pencil was forgotten as it dropped to the ground. Awe filled the souls of the dead men on the castle ramparts. Not one person moved until the sky changed to blue.

* * *

"I've been keeping watch over you all this time..."

"Really?" Link didn't know how he felt about that. Then a couple realizations clicked. "Wait... Are you the voice I hear on the Blood Moons? How are you speaking my language!?" Epona snorted and walked off to do some cool down exercises. Link and Zelda could work this out without her help.

Zelda sheepishly said, "I may have inherited a bit of knowledge from the Triforce of Wisdom. It does come in handy."

Link considered this. He was thinking of how nice it would be to have another person to chat with. Malanya was going to have to meet Zelda. This would have solved so many issues a hundred years ago.

Zelda had no idea what Link was thinking. She had intended to lecture Link for every unnecessary and completely avoidable wildfire. The taste of sweet freedom was making her much more forgiving. Besides, she knew Link had really been trying to be good and not ridiculously destructive. "Link, what do you plan on doing now?" Zelda asked.

"Oh? Um, Epona and I were planning to head East and check out some new lands after we say hi to Malanya. You can come too."

"Well, thank you but I want to go to Kakariko first..." Link and Zelda heard the slate beep before she could finish responding. "What was that? May I see?"

"Oh," Link showed her the screen. "Vah Ruta just finished shutting down."

Zelda reached for the slate. "What? Why did Vah Ruta stop working? We need to check this out. Give me my Sheikah Slate."

Link did not hand it over and found the Slate out of his hands before he could react. "Actually, this was originally my Slate, you know. It's fine, I set the Divine Beasts to do a shutdown sequence after they fired. I need to make sure it's got the Antimaliceware running properly. I can show you what I mean while we head to Kakariko. I promised Koko I'd let her play with the camera rune after I killed Ganon."

Zelda didn't give back the slate.

"I need to bring cats back to Hyrule so, you know."

"You should not be introducing a small carnivore into the ecosystem. Not without proper consideration."

"But..."

"Link, no. Furthermore , where do I even _begin?_! You should not be set loose without supervision of some kind. I have NEVER heard of a Great Fairy being so annoyed with someone that they stopped trying to tease or creep someone out."

"It wasn't my fault the wind blew embers off my suit and set her flower on fire... Okay, maybe I should have seen that coming."

Zelda folded her arms.

* * *

From a distance, the Champions and the King Bosphoramawhatsit watched Zelda and Link. When the wolf joined them, Revali looked sideways at it, said "Oh. It's Link's mangy mutt," and made a shooing motion. Urbosa moved aside to let the wolf get a better spot in the lineup.

Mipha started to reach down to pet it before remembering she was incorporeal. "It's a wolf and deserves more respect than that. Link's friend here has done his share of work."

No one besides the wolf noticed Daruk drifting slowly further away from the wolf. All of them jumped when the wolf dissolved into spirit fires and reappeared as a ghostly man with more than a passing resemblance to Link. "Hi there!"

"Who in the name of Hylia are you?!" Revali said. He instantly knew he didn't like this guy. One Link was enough.

The King's response was more calm. "Would you be a relative of Link's?"

"Predecessor. Link, Hero of Twilight. It is a pleasure to meet you, your Highness. Sorry, I'm not too good at formalities."

Daruk folded his arms, "We're all dead and besides, being a previous hero chosen by the Goddesses should be worth a little respect."

Urbosa muttered, "I knew you were no ordinary wolf..."

King Rhoam asked, "When did you start helping Link?"

"After Death Mountain. He picked up a fire rod there and Link needed someone to help watch out for fires getting out of hand." Link of Ordon grinned happily as the younger Link walked after Zelda. It wasn't apparent from this distance that they were having differences of opinion about the Slate and cats. He could, however, guess. "Farore thought Link might need some assistance. Now that he's got Epona and Zelda looking after him, I should be able to take a break." He smiled the smile of a man whose burden was somebody else's problem now.

The Champions and erstwhile ruler stared at the old Link. There might have been a lecture for Link but he didn't stick around to hear it. The rest of the ghosts departed from this plane of existence to party in the spirit realm. Or whatever they do when they go rejoin other dead friends. At least two were planning to give the Hero of Twilight an earful for leaving Zelda to babysit the Hero of Crime.

* * *

"...furthermore you should really not have fed your entire store of Hearty Durians to the Sand Seals right before going to fight those Lynels. You should have cooked those! What were you even thinking?!"

"I'm sorry! Those were the only fruits I had and they were looking at me with those eyes and being all fluffy..."

Zelda unfolded her arms and inhaled. She realized they'd been standing here for a while and she was now famished. There was all of Hyrule to see on foot now that she had her freedom and old friends were out there. "You know what? We should probably get going before we lose more daylight. Tell you what, I'll forgive you if you tell me that joke."

Link did not follow. Him and Epona gave Zelda looks of confusion.

"I only heard the first and second parts, I never got to hear the end of it. I kept getting distracted by Ganon, you see."

Link happily told the joke to Zelda on the road. She laughed and agreed it was hilarious.


	25. Tarrey Town

**Intertwined with the rest of Link's misadventures, there was a town called Tarrey. It went better than you would think it would go. It still didn't go smoothly. Special thanks to the reviewers as without them, I would have run out of ideas. See also author's notes **

* * *

Rhythmic clunking and the sound of metal on rock filled the air as the Bolson Construction Company half-heartedly started their work. They didn't discuss Vah Ruta's threat to the waters nor did they notice Link stagger into town the night before. Bolson really like the idea of new prime land to build on, but the thought of tearing down a perfectly good house rubbed the contractor the wrong way. He could have refitted the place and spruced it up with far less time and resources but the townsfolk seemed to not understand construction. It was weird. There was some old superstition about homes being uninhabitable when a warrior didn't have their body buried. Maybe his sales pitch for new homes was too good.

Whatever.

He could get some usable materials from the place so it wouldn't be as wasteful. They took their time to hit the structure in such a way as to preserve the best materials and get at the structure underneath. They could salvage a lot and turn an even larger profit with some care. The two-thousand rupees plus building materials was great for the bottom line.

The construction workers heard the sound of footsteps on the bridge and Link saying, "Hi! Is this lab?"

"Huh?," said Bolson. He turned to look at the stranger.

"I looking for lab? Purah? She is Sheikah?"

Karson realized this guy was definitely not from Hyrule or any nearby locations. His mastery of the Hylian language was atrocious. "Oh, no, the Sheikah lab is up the hill. In the other direction." He pointed upwards in the general direction. "I could show you the way if you would like..." Link was giving the hammers an odd look as Hudson took a swing at the wall. "We'd love to hear more about you, we don't get many boys visiting over here. What is your name?"

"Ummm..." Link understood the last question at least. "Link my name. What are you doing?" Karson lost all interest on Link when he heard a space instead of '-son

"In case it's not obvious, I'm demolishing a vacant house. Times are rough. Not a lot of buyers, y'know? So the villagers decided it was best to just tear it down."

"Tear it down? Obvious?"

"Um, you know, tear down, break..." The contractor was able to explain the expression with relative ease but the word 'obvious' gave them trouble. Link looked slightly less confused after the definitions were done. Bolson said, "Well, we have a house to destroy."

Link looked up at the house. "You hammer house down. Sounds... what's that word... dull?"

"Yeah it's boring. I guess a young visiting buck like you might not get what we're saying."

"...want help destroy?"

"Huh? Oh your name is wrong though. It doesn't end in '-son.' We can't hire you." The three workmen and Link stared at each other. Link did not understand one bit of the last sentence and the workmen didn't feel like explaining company policy when there was a house to demolish. "Look, we need to destroy this. Time's a wasting."

Link was not looking at the men. He had his eyes fixed firmly on the building with an odd gleam. "You don't need to destroy it. I can help!"

Hudson swung the hammer at the side of the building. "Look, you are welcome to help if you want but he won't pay you. I mean, I won't complain about help."

Link disappeared around the corner. He returned with a torch. A lit torch. This lit torch was paired with a pleading sort of look in his eye. Bolson's mouth dropped open as did the iron hammer.

"Whoa! NO! What are you crazy?! The fire could spread to town! We can't salvage building wood either if you burn it down! No!"

Link's face fell. The resemblance to a puppy asking for a stick increased. "Oh... It's across a bridge and it rained last night..." Link turned around and tossed the torch into the stream.

Bolson knew it was stupid but he felt a little guilty now despite the logic. "... ...Alright. All right, look. Here's the deal! Just for you! I'll cut you a special price of 3,000 rupees. BUT IN RETURN! I'm going to need you to bring me 30 wood bundles. Building materials... You know how it is. That will make up the difference for profits. And you have to wait for a rainy day."

"...I give wood and rupees and you let me burn this house, save you work?"

"Yes! Thirty bundles of wood, 3,000 rupees. And only if it is raining when you do it." Bolson wondered what he was thinking. As did Karson and Hudson. "Is that clear?"

"...Um... well... what does 'salvage' mean?" Link asked. He asked a few more questions after that one. He then went uphill to meet Purah for the first time. Of course, Link did get very clear directions to the tech lab. The contractors watched as Link climbed up the rock cliffside rather than use the clearly explained walking trail. Bolson had a bad feeling about this deal.

* * *

Hudson wearily smashed away at the boulders and did not see the approaching menace behind him. It was too late to flee when he heard the cheerful greeting behind him.

"Hi!," said Link as he dripped water all over the place and wrung out his shirt. A magnificent horse with several times more dignity stood beside the smiling Link and chewing on grass.

Husdon said, "Oh." He then wondered if something was soon going to be on fire. Link was friendly enough and there weren't any buildings to set on fire... "Hey. We meet again."

"Who are you again?"

"Hudson. One of the Bolson Construction Company Contractors."

"I remember!"

"...Me too." That had been a_ brief_ house demolition.

"What are you doing?"

"Since I've been transferred here, I've decided to start a village from scratch. No buildings that need to be destroyed. Really. I've decided to call it Tarrey Town."

"Good idea!"

Husdon thought for a moment. "However..." This was a problem Link could probably help with but Hudson also was thinking his village would have a higher lifespan without Link around. "I built a house to store supplies in but there just isn't enough..." Hudson came up with a good excuse to stall Link while he decided if Link was more of a liability than an asset. "Enough anything. People, money, stuff..."

"I'll help out!"

Hudson was surprised Link sounded this eager. "But why? There's nothing in it for you."

"I don't mind!"

"You're, uh, a lifesaver. Could you get me some wood?" Hudson kept thinking as he swung the pickaxe. It didn't take long for Link to return. Hudson flat out said he needed a Goron whose name ended in son to get rid of Link. Link would probably not be the solution for getting rid of boulders in a safe manner and if he succeeded, that was even better.

* * *

Greyson and the other Gorons knew about Link at this point. Link was having difficulty communicating again. He was going around to each and every Goron and asking about the sun? It didn't seem like he was asking about when the sun ended, as in nightfall either. He came to Greyson and Greyson mentally shrugged. Might as well get this over with. "Come on, I'm on break. What is it?

"Hi! You are?"

"Greyson. I don't like repeatin' myself so just remember that, Okay?" Link's eyes lit up when he heard the name. This was weird. Other guys who'd introduced themselves had Link seem disappointed when he heard the name. "I'm a digger here. You have weird questions, I'm probably not the guy to be answerin' them. To be honest, I'm sick of digging." This guy seemed like someone good to complain to. He didn't really understand a lot of what people said and was probably not reporting him to the boss. "I've been thinking maybe I'm not meant to be toiling away in obscurity like this. If only there was a job out there..."

"You can dig! You have name son!"

"Errrr... What?"

"Need name ending in son! You have the right name! Bolson Construction needs a strong guy!"

* * *

Rhondson did hear the sounds of Link making the rounds of the Bazaar but couldn't bring herself to care enough to take evasive maneuvers. She could handle some confused guy asking vocabulary questions. It would take her mind off the usual problems. The delicate looking voe would not be what her mama would like, so she ruled him out of the dating pool. She was kind of done looking for the love of her life. Right now, she was just thinking of where she could go that needed a tailor.

She dozed off as Link asked about a person with a '-son' name, misunderstood the direction of the pointing, and ended up trekking all the way to Gerudo Town. In fact, she didn't see Link again for another two weeks. She then saw him as a speck flying onto Vah Naboris in the distance.

Link finally spoke with her a month later.

* * *

Kass looked over the serene, and intact, Rito village. Finally Link had left to stock up on supplies and slay the terrible monster which held Hyrule Castle in its claws. Kass could relax for at least a while before getting a front row seat to the battle. His mind was wandering to what he and his daughters could do tomorrow when he heard it. He heard the sounds of Link.

So much for a break. Kass half-flew, half-fell down to the landing where Link was talking to Fyson.

* * *

At Tarrey Town, a Snob of the highest order of snobs leaned back and looked at Link. He certainly didn't call himself a snob, but he was one and was thinking he could have a good laugh at Link's expense. Hagie looked at Link. "I normally don't have time to mingle with commoners..." He was thinking the idiot kid was going to go fight more Guardians while expecting a large payday for it. This was until Link spoke.

"What does 'mingle' mean? And commoner?"

"Oh. A foreigner. Right, well... it means I don't normally talk to anybody. I have a feeling about you. I'll make an exception this time."

"So does commoner mean foreigner then? " Hagie had to talk in circles for quite some time to set up his hilarious prank at Link's expense. After shoving cash into the stunned boy's hand, Hagie gleefully awaited the light show from his patch of grass in Tarrey. He told Link to wallop both Guardians and assumed Link would get into a terrifying battle and then flee like a scared Cucco. This would be a reasonable assumption if Link had understood the request.

Hagie should have realized something was off when Link seemed to understand the word 'wallop' right away. Hagie watched the wetlands. He kept watching the wetlands._ Did... did the peasant just take the money and run?_

"Hi!," Link said. Hagie turned to see Link behind him with a giant grin. Link had a strange object in his hands and was now dressed in clothing with a Sheikah emblem. He looked suspiciously proud of himself.

"You kept me waiting, sonny boy... If you changed your mind, I'll take back that down payment with a compensation fee. Look, the Guardians are still walking around. Did you even try?"

"I have pictures! They're dolled up!"

Hagie stared. "...Huh?" He kept staring at the image on the tiny object Link held. Link showed Hagie the image of a Guardian with a hat on it. The fabric Bokoblin mask looked comically tiny compared to the bulk of the Guardian. Link changed the image on the screen. The other Guardian had a fluffy thing that vaguely resembled a Lynel's mane caught in the protrusions above the eye. Hagie was at a complete loss. He went inside and grabbed a spyglass. There was indeed something on top of each live Guardian's head.

* * *

"...So that guy, Link? He killed Ganon! It was him! He's why the big black and purple cloud is gone now! Can you believe it?!"

Hudson and Rhondson listened with interest as the Rito was relating the news to all within earshot. They had been asking everyone around for a priest with the last name ending in '-son' and had given up. They were getting ready to travel down the road to the nearest place with a priest since Hudson realized it might be a year before Link returned with one. A priest with the wrong name would have to do.

Fyson was at the other Rito's side listening intently. If Hudson had to guess, the Rito were planning to fly off and spread the word to more settlements. It was a common system for making sure important news spread. "I have to see this! That's amazing! I'll get to the Stable if you take the lab. Any other news I should tell them?"

"Huh? Oh, it's probably nothing major but old Karson at Zora's domain? He wanted me to ask around for engaged couples. He wants to officiate a marriage ceremony... Know anyone?"

Hudson was right there shoving aside people with urgency. The bird leaned backwards as Hudson said, "Didyousaythepriest'snameisKarson?!"

"Errrr... yes? Should I let the Domain know you are coming over there?"

"Yes please! The other guy I asked to look around for a priest was probably gonna take at least a year to find a suitable fellow! Rhondson, we found a suitable priest!" Link had taken a loooong time to find Rhondson. Hudson didn't want to wait and since the Calamity was gone, it felt like an auspicious time for a wedding.

* * *

_Notes: I'm not completely satisfied but oh well. I had ideas for a sequel to Wild Groose Chase but I don't know if it is worth the effort. Especially when I don't know how it would end and what foe would be even more annoying than Like-Likes. (Paperwork, probably. I don't think anyone wants to read about assassins doing tax forms.) Life's been busy too and I really hate to start even a mediocre story without knowing when I'll be able to finish it._


	26. Chapter 28

_I'm sooo hoping the next game releases this year and the speculation around the internet thinks so too! :D People are speculating and it will render everything I wrote even more non-canon. But what does the hand have to say? What does it think about? __That green on the arm looks more like the green from the ghosts of the Champions which means it could be a helping hand. __You should share your favorite crackpot theory as to what is going on for the trailer. My favorite is that the hand choking the mummy is the toilet hand of Termina. __(With those claws, it doesn't look like a helping hand.)_

* * *

Kass was having a lovely day talking to Sidon. They stood at the railings of Zora's Domain and the stories which the prince had to share helped Kass immensely with his research. Epona had come to the area for the flavorful grazing in the Lanayru province. All of Hyrule was enjoying the lack of regenerating monsters wandering about ruining traveler's lives.

Sidon was talking. "...By the way, Kass, I haven't heard much of what Link and the Princess Zelda are doing. Do you know where they are?"

"I believe that Her Highness was curious about the Castle basement. She felt it prudent to investigate the history of the castle with a bodyguard."

This precaution made sense to Sidon. "He is a fine warrior, but Link is a little odd sometimes." Sidon decided to rephrase that. "Link is a little odd. She should be able to keep Link out of trouble, right?"

The two men thought this through and felt a shiver of foreboding. Then they saw a discoloration in the sky above where Hyrule Castle might be dust had billowed up. That might be either a dust storm, errant cloud, or a cataclysmic event to put the Calamity itself to shame. Epona looked up and galloped in the direction of the blot on the sky. This told Kass it was probably the last thing on the list of possibilities.

Sidon lost his smile. "I'll go tell my people to sharpen their spears."

* * *

The monk of the Sealing Shrine was, fortunately for all of Hyrule, a lot more patient than Link was when he was stuck hanging out with Ganon underground. All that was left of him now was a spectral hand but by golly, he was gonna do a good job of keeping Demise's incarnation down here. He wished he could do more to keep darkness from slipping out between his fingers but he thanked Hylia he'd got the neck. This monk didn't think he could have stood the Redead screaming for more than half a century. Or the Redead's singing, complaining, or any vocalization.

There were a number of ways he could have grabbed the Incarnation of Malice to seal it. He could have pinned it facedown with its arms behind its back. He could have used the hair for a nice grip. He could have dangled it by the ankles. No, when it came to stopping the stupid zombie from screaming non-stop, there was nothing better than a good old chokehold. He hoped Link would come back soon and bring the Master Sword so they could just stab this corpse and be done with things.

He then saw Link coming in with Zelda. This was good. What was not good was that they didn't seem like they'd armed themselves for battle with the Ultimate Evil. The monk wished he could plug his ears or warn the teens about the Redead screech incoming. It put every other one in history to shame.

The monk was now thinking as Link moved closer to possibly touch something he really should not.

The monk was thinking._ I have no mouth and I must scream at Link for being an idiot._


	27. Edit Notes

Okay, so I'm not rewriting the Tarrey Town or the Trailer stuff, but the rest of this was just irritating me with the lack of effort I put into things. I've finished editing and rearranging the first two chapters. We'll see how long my editing goes before I decide it is too much work. I've also noticed other authors like to publicly respond to all the reviews and I tend to PM people. I guess that would help me keep track of who I've responded to...

Chapter 6 had minor stuff, so did 7, 8. 9 had some redundancy removed and a lampshade hung on Link's hairdo.

**Notes about additions 2/26/20**

-Chapter 3 had only minor tweaks as did chapter 4.

-Chapter 5 had minor tweaks to get rid of a few typos and a new paragraph added in the beginning.

**Notes about additions 2/22/20:**

-Rearranged some events in the first three chapters. They are now two.

-Added a couple extra scenes of events on the plateau.

-Working on a consistent past tense.

**Preexisiting author notes:**

I had the Tarrey chapter but I've not fixed it yet. The other chapter I posted I'm deleting and rewriting because, well, it was worse. At least we can still speculate on the details of the upcoming sequel and swap crazy plot trailer chapter is going up since I don't see it ever getting better.

Please, if you guys think of what NPCs absolutely needed to show up, let me know! If it weren't for stealing-ahem- honoring people's great ideas this wouldn't have been as much fun. If I ever go back and fix things, I'd want to add another chapter to justify notifying people. I have run out of ideas for now though.

This was way too much fun to waste time on. I consider Wild Groose Chase to be a much better quality work but this was much less work and much more popular. Some guy even drew it which is still mindblowing. (It's a great drawing.) Also, it was fun writing a story with a corrupted Link where the angst is ignored in favor of pure confusion. Why don't people do that more often? Some other things which didn't make it are below.

-I probably could also see if I can make chapter title puns for everything like Wild Groose Chase had. Puns are good.

-The Scourge of the Master Cycle Zero never got written. Ah well. Someone else already came up with Cuccoblight Ganon. Wonder if I should steal that idea...

-Explosions in various explosions was a typo. It kind of fits so I think it should stay.

-Worry not, reviewer! Zelda likes cats too and will help Link bring them back. Not only that, but she'll make sure there's enough variety of cats to have a sustainable gene pool. Plus, new cat breeds are fun. (I want a munchkin cat soooo bad.)

-Thank goodness people help point out mistakes and stuff for me. There was the hair color, the forgetting to tag this story as complete, mismanaged edits...

-I forgot a minor bit of dialogue between Paya and Kass. Added acknowledgement of Epona's pyromania as of 11/5. Added chapter titles too. It's so minor compared to other issues like, you know, grammar.

-I should add Tarrey. Thanks Valonstar. There is a certain other NPC I have my eye on too unless people have other suggestions.

-Wild Groose Chase might get a sequel but I'm not sure it is worth the effort.


End file.
